A Leap of Faith
by ElphabaAngelofMusic
Summary: Much has happened in a year. The order was founded, Sirius Black was finally proven innocent after a year of being locked up in his childhood home and even found a little happiness, Nymphadora Tonks found love in the place she least expected to, and Annabelle Clements got more than she bargained for as the new Order of the Phoenix recruit. What else could possibly happen next?
1. Tonks's POV- The Best and the Worst Year

**Here is the second instalment of my fanfiction, Hungry Heart. For anyone who hasn't read that, it should be easy enough to catch up. The first few** **chapters are in each character's point of view, going over a few things that have happened so far. So enjoy and let me know what you think. :)**

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It had been one of the best and worst years so far.

I'd joined the order, fought back against something I believed in, and in doing so, reunited with my cousin. I'd also found love, with someone I'd ashamedly underestimated when we'd first met.

And then he pushed me away, insisted we shouldn't be together. All because he was a werewolf. Like that ever mattered to me. It was a part of him but it didn't define him.

But then there was Greyback too. The one who'd bitten Remus in the first place. And the threat he had to our relationship. And still, I insisted that I didn't care. None of those things mattered to me. It wasn't like we were slap-bang in the middle of a war already, so what difference did being with him make?

It was the same excuses time and time again.

 _I'm too old, too poor, and too dangerous_.

If I had a galleon for every time he said either three of them.

And now he was in Austria, with Greyback's pack, risking himself day after day for a war we were drowning in. And would any of it make any difference, in the end? The more time apart we spent, with no news on whether Remus was even okay or alive, the more my faith dwindled.

Work was only getting worst. Suspicious disappearances, most covered up discreetly enough before the whole auror office could find out. It was usually the select few and lucky enough for us, Kingsley Shacklebolt happened to be one of them.

Not that it made much difference. In the end, it was all the same. Hushed up as quickly as possible, with nobody willing to talk about it. Even with us able to find out names, it was like people were literally disappearing out of thin air.

That itself was a terrifying prospect. It meant things were only bound to get worst.

[-]


	2. Annabelle-So much for Happily Ever After

**I'm sorry this chapter is so depressing! :( It's just another short look into my OC's POV, Annabelle. Let me know what you think. Thanks for the great reviews so far! For those asking where Hungry Heart is, it's on my profile if you'd like to check that out first. :)**

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The moment the healer rushed off to get another opinion, I knew it was too late. It was obvious from her face. But of course Sirius didn't seem to think so.

"It will just be a precaution. She's probably trying to reassure herself, more than us."

I tried to smile back. But it refused to come. He looked so achingly hopeful that I could barely stand to look at him.

She was back within moments, a man following quickly behind her and looking just as tense. He spent what felt like ages with his wand hovering above my stomach, his eyes glued to the ultrasound machine.

The silence was the worst. It was more deafening than when Sirius had been talking the head off of the female healer.

"Well?" Sirius finally asked tensely. "Is the baby alright?"

My stomach dropped at his tone. It didn't sound like a question, more of an assumption, even when I was convinced I knew differently.

He turned to face us, painting on an apologetic smile as he lowered his wand to his side. "I'm afraid to say that Miss Clements has suffered a miscarriage. There's nothing more that we can do."

I closed my eyes in response. Sometimes I hated being right. It didn't make it any easier. In fact, all I wanted to do was curl into a ball and forget the world.

"Just like that? Why?" Sirius demanded briskly.

"There could be a number of reasons for it, but then sometimes these things just happen, Mr Black."

"These things happen?!" Sirius repeated, his voice dangerously quiet. "Well just check again! Maybe you got it wrong, maybe the ultrasound didn't pick anything up the first time—"

"Healer Jones has checked twice and so have I. It won't make any difference." The doctor interrupted smoothly. "I'm very sorry, to both of you, for your loss. I'm sorry I can't be of more use."

And then he was walking away, just like that, leaving us to grieve over the one thing that was barely ours in the first place…


	3. Remus's POV- Warmth

**I'm sorry it's so short! Next chapter will be Sirius's POV and then it will be on with the story. Let me know what you think. :)**

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 _Monsters are real, and ghosts are real too._

 _They live inside us, and sometimes, they win_.

I should have been used to saying goodbye by now. Practically every day, back in the first war, there was always that chance you were saying goodbye for the last time. And it usually was.

Even still, telling Nymphadora that same thing was one of the hardest things I've had to do.

No matter how many times I told myself I wasn't right for her, I was never strong enough to stay away for too long.

This was different. Neither of us knew if I'd even be coming back. And perhaps that was a good thing. It might be the very thing to guarantee that Nymphadora would finally see sense.

And yet, the very thought made me want to throw something. Because yes, she deserved better, a million times so, but even still, I couldn't bear the thought of her being happy without me. I was such a selfish creature.

So much so that the thought of Nymphadora waiting at home, for me to return, was the only real thing keeping me going. The thought of seeing her face just one more time was the one comfort I had each night I went to sleep on the hard ground of the forest, with nothing but a thin blanket for warmth.

Nevertheless, the thought of Nymphadora was all the warmth I needed.

[-]


	4. Sirius's POV- Black Genes

I reached for the bottle, filing up half of the whiskey glass and settling it back down again. Then I downed it in one. Again. It was almost as easy as drinking water now, but then, this had to be my twentieth shot of the stuff, at least. I gave up counting around the fifteenth one.

Harry was back at Hogwarts after his weekend visit and now even Annabelle didn't want anything to do with me.

There was just over a month until the end of 1996, and next year looked set to be just as dismal as the last fifteen years.

And what did I even have to show for it?

Three weeks later and Annabelle still hadn't re-joined to the order and I wasn't expecting that to change anytime soon. What did she have to come back to exactly?

Even Dora looked as though she could barely stand to be around. Then again, that was hardly surprising, what with Remus still gone.

Speaking of which—

"Drunk again, by any chance?"

I winched at her loud tone as she stormed into the dining room of headquarters. I'd been here for the day, feeling sorry for myself and I could tell she'd already guessed as much for herself. Sure, I could have been helping the order, but Dumbledore seemed to be in over his head and Kingsley insisted that things weren't going so well at the minute, which meant that there wasn't a lot to be done.

It was like the first war all over again.

"You should try it. Makes things seem a lot more sunshine and daisies."

"I'll take your word for it." She said, raising her brow unconvincingly as she moved further into the room. She practically threw her bag onto a chair and slammed herself down into the one next to it.

I almost smiled. She was more like Annabelle than she realised sometimes.

I swallowed heavily as I reached for the bottle and poured myself another glass at that though, completely ignoring Dora's heavy, drawn-out sigh.

"That stuff might help you take your mind off of things for now, but you'll still have an awful hangover in the morning."

I shrugged. "That's what the hangover potion is for."

"Smartass." She said, snorting in complaint. I merely smirked in response. I'd not seen her in a week and despite all my problems, I'd missed this. "Then again, I don't know why I'm surprised. Mum's the same. Reckon it's those pesky Black genes."

"You should know."

She smiled then, a little. "Touché. Well whilst I'm here, you might as well pour me one too."

I hid my smile as I reached for a glass and did as she asked. "Bad day?"

Though I could probably have figured that out myself. She looked awful, but then she always did at the moment. Her hair was still limp and brown and she looked skinnier than ever. Her clothes practically hung off of her. I was guessing that she still couldn't morph then.

There was still no word from Remus, despite it almost being a month and she was clearly suffering. It didn't help that he'd barely been on speaking terms with her before that.

"The worst," she frowned as I passed her it. "Well you already know how it is. The Ministry's in over its head."

I nodded in agreement. We all knew that from the updates Dora and Kingsley gave in meetings. The more disappearances there were, the more it was hushed up.

"That they are." I agreed, my eyes dropping from hers as my thoughts—as always—turned back to her. "Any…sign of Annabelle?"

I couldn't resist asking. I knew from Tonks and Kingsley speaking last week that she hadn't yet then returned back to work.

"She came back last Friday."

I nodded, reaching out to take a long sip of my firewhiskey. I supposed it was inevitable.

"Listen, I was going to tell you at last weekend's meeting, but I…well, I wasn't sure what to say. She's not there all the time and…well she barely talks to me—"

"It's fine, Dora." I insisted quickly. She might not have told me straight away, but I understood why. She didn't want to upset me, not any more than I already was.

"Anyway, Harry'll be back for the Christmas holidays soon enough."

I nodded, thankful for her blatant subject choice. At least there was one thing to look forward to. That was if he didn't change his mind and chose to stay with the Weasley's instead. I couldn't really blame him. I'd been miserable lately. Harry had seen straight through my pathetic attempt at being cheerful.

"It will be nice to spend time with him, at least." Even as I said that, I could heard for myself how hollow my voice sounded.

I loved Harry, of course I did and I couldn't wait to spend time with him again. I often missed him, especially when there was nothing going on here. This summer had been perfect, with Harry, Remus, Annabelle, and Dora for almost constant company.

But I was barely coping now and a part of me, a selfish part was worried that him being here would only serve as a reminder of the chance of the family I'd lost with Annabelle.

[-]


	5. Annabelle's POV- Back to Square One

"Are you sure you're ready for this?"

Tonks asked for what felt like the fiftieth time.

I sighed heavily—again, and forced a nod. "Yes. There's only so long I can avoid Sirius Black for."

Then again, as I said that, there was that heavy feeling at the thought of seeing him. Whether it was for an order meeting or not, I was dreading being in the same room.

Tonks's expression changed and it took everything not to pull a face at the pity I saw. I'd had enough of that from Sirius and Molly. Now I understood how Tonks must feel every time someone mentioned Remus.

"You know, Kingsley said you don't actually have to come back until next—"

"If I don't go today, I never will."

She nodded once and flashed me a sympathetic smile as she patted my arm. "Okay. Well I'll be right beside you if you need to…talk."

I rolled my eyes. "Yes, because that will be discreet, wont it? Look, I'll…I'll be fine. I'll just go to the meeting and then head straight home. It will be enough to show my face…right?"

"Of course," Tonks said quickly. "And besides, it shouldn't be very long anyway. It will be more of a catch-up, particularly with certain missions we've been assigned. Which reminds me…how's things in your Department?"

"Oh yeah, great. I'm the gossip of the month."

Tonks frowned deeply. "I'm sure that's not true."

If only. Word had somehow gotten out about mine and Sirius's relationship. Every time I walked into the office, there was a mixture of excited whispers, with the odd person having the cheek to come out and ask me if I was seeing anyone. Did they think I was so stupid that I didn't know they were talking about me behind my back?

"Trust me, it's true."

I could barely stand being at work anymore. I might have struggled to separate my private life at times, but at least I'd tried to keep things discreet.

My stomach lurched as Grimmauld Place came into view, and I had to stop and take a deep breath to clear my head.

Tonks pressed a hand to my arm, her forehead creasing with worry again as she stopped by my side. "You okay?"

"Yep," I said shortly, forcing a small nod. "Let's just get this over and done with, shall we?"

I stormed forwards, not waiting for her reply, despite everything inside of me screaming to turn back and go home. I wasn't ready. But I never would be. What we went through…it was never going to be okay. That's why things were the way they were.

It was still hard, walking into that hallway again. It was all too familiar, everything looked the same, as though mocking me. Tonks had used her key. I didn't think it was right to use the one Sirius had given me for Christmas last year.

It was worst still, when I bumped into Kreacher, who was exiting the room opposite the dining room, a cloth in his hand. I'd hoped not to see him yet. At least mine and Sirius's relationship had brought about one important change. Kreacher helped out more than ever. I had a feeling that the house elf had been just as lonely as Sirius.

He looked up as I crossed paths with him, even offering a smile. "It's nice to see you again, Mistress Clements."

I smiled back a little despite myself, watching him as he bowed his head.

Kreacher had started calling me by that a few weeks ago. I'd been more than surprised the first time. He'd become a lot more pleasant to be around.

"And you, Kreacher."

I forced myself forwards, into the dining room, where my breath caught. Everyone was here. Snape, McGonagall, Mad-Eye, Kingsley, Dumbledore. I was getting the same damned looks—ones of sympathy, of curiosity, even surprise. I was presuming people had assumed I'd left.

It had been nearly a month and this still felt too soon.

But before I could think of changing my mind, Molly was by my side, sympathy in her eyes as she reached out to touch my arm.

"Nice to see you Annabelle, dear. How are you?"

If I had a galleon for every time someone asked me that…

"Yeah fine. How's Harry? I know you speak to him a lot and I haven't actually spoken to Sir…" His name got caught in my throat and she smiled knowingly.

"Thank you for asking. He's alright, studying hard for his NEWTs."

"I'm sure he'll do great." I nodded briskly, hearing how hollow my voice sounded for myself.

"Of course he will. Are you staying for dinner afterwards?"

"No, I err…I have to go home."

She nodded instantly, without asking any further. Perhaps my expression said it all.

"I understand. Well it's nice to finally see you back anyway."

"Thank you, Molly."

I forced a smile, moving further into the room and feeling like my every move was being watched. Dumbledore smiled as I passed him, offering his apologies and I nodded, forcing a thank you. Even when I hated feeling so pitied.

I reached for the first two seats, next to a guy I didn't recognize. Luckily Tonks moved to sit beside me…only to practically fall into her chair as Remus moved through the doorway. So he was back then.

I was guessing from the look on Tonks's face that he hadn't exactly let her know.

He looked worse than ever. He was just as skinny and gaunt, and he seemed fragile on his feet. That was probably why he was using a walking stick. His hair was still longer and he was supporting the same scruffy, fuller beard. His eyes were just as hollow as the last time we'd seen him, though they warmed a little when he saw the two of us. There didn't seem to be the same pity as I was used to seeing from everyone else. There was more of a sense of understanding and empathy.

"How are you Annabelle? I know that's probably a stupid question." He asked once he'd reached our side. My surprise must have been obvious, because he quickly added: "Sirius…well he told me."

I nodded. It wasn't like it should have been a surprise. He was his best friend after all.

"It's fine. I'm…getting there." I said carefully.

"Of course. Well if you need anything, don't hesitate to ask."

I appreciated the sentiment, but it didn't make things easier. But I nodded and thanked him, knowing there was genuine thoughtfulness behind the offer.

And then he turned to Tonks and his cool façade almost slipped. "It's nice to see you too, Tonks."

I rolled my eyes in response. He was still calling her by that, was he? I knew how much she hated her given name but it was obvious she hadn't minded Remus calling her Nymphadora.

"You too, Remus." She nodded, her eyes wide, her expression soft. "Are you here for long?"

"Just for the meeting. I've got some things to discuss with Dumbledore about Austria afterwards too."

Her smile slipped a little. "Well…make sure you take care of yourself, Remus."

"You too."

His eyes lingered on Tonks's features a little longer, even as she reluctantly looked away and I sighed heavily as he turned away to go and talk to Dumbledore. I wished there was a way to make the two of them see sense.

I glanced away…and my eyes found Sirius, heading through the doorway. It was as though I could barely breathe. My heart was hammering and I felt suddenly hot.

He looked alright, considering.

His hair was back and away from his face. His appearance was also better than I'd seen in a while. The last time I'd seen him, he'd had a fuller beard and was barely sleeping.

His grey eyes were tinged with curiosity as they fell on me and I dropped my gaze quickly. What was I even doing here? Yes, I was trying to do my bit, to fight in a war we only seemed to be losing more and more every day.

My reaction must have given me away if Tonks's wide eyes were anything to go by. " _Please_ don't tell me you're debating on leaving already. The meeting hasn't even started yet."

"Yes I know," I insisted briskly. "But I'm not even sure I want to be here regardless anymore. I mean, what's even the point? You and me and everyone else here both know that we're fighting a losing battle with this war. Things are getting worst and worst every day."

She frowned deeply at my words. "But you can't think like that."

"Except I can. What else have I got keeping me here? Me and you see each other at work all the time."

"It will get easi—"

"Don't," I warned her carefully. "Because we both know that's not true, don't we?"

I regretted that as soon as the words were out. That was harsh and I felt guilty at the way her expression changed, revealing the sorrow she'd clearly been trying to hide since Remus had left for Austria those few months back. She turned back to the table and her fingers seemed to shake as she reached out to take a sip of her glass of water.

"I'm sorry, I just meant—"

"Maybe you're right. It might not ever really get easier, for me or for you, but we're both here, aren't we? Because we care."

She was right. Whether or not we were losing, I liked feeling as though I was actually doing something useful. The Ministry was in too far deep now.

Luckily, the meeting started almost straight away.

Tonks had been right. It was mainly just a discussion about how certain missions had been going. Not that I could muster up much attention. I could only sigh as Tonks all but gazed back at Remus, horror in her eyes as he went into detail about everything he was going through in this mission. It sounded awful.

Every now and again, my eyes inevitably kept falling back to Sirius, who was sat on the opposite side of the room, next to Remus and Jane Danvers of all people. It was like he was trying to punish me. Then again, I supposed I'd lost my right to complain about anything he did.

Introductions were made first, with the guy sitting next to me, a smile on his face as he started talking.

"Err hey, I'm Oliver Hensley. I kind of prefer Ollie, but it's cool if you want to call me Oliver." He offered shyly, taking a small glance around the room, before quickly ducking his eyes again.

Out of the corner of my eyes, I saw Snape roll his eyes and I glowered in response. He barely seemed to have any patience with anyone.

"I used to work in the Administrative Registration Department at the Ministry, but then I quit four weeks back. I'm technically what you call half-blood, you see. And I overheard things that aren't right, plans that I don't agree with. Fudge has been publicly declared as a liar and Rufus Scrimgeour seems to be turning a blind eye to everything going on within the Ministry at the moment. That's why I'm here."

Despite his shaky start, Oliver spoke confidently and I smiled in encouragement, turning to look at him. He was young, no older than twenty-five perhaps. He had dark brown hair which was parted to the right, a couple of strands falling across the side of his forehead as he talked. He had olive skin and a warm smile and he was wearing a striped shirt, black top and jeans.

Dumbledore was still smiling as everyone looked back to him. "Thank you Oliver, or should I say, Ollie."

The meeting was finished with in under twenty minutes and I was one of the first to stand up to leave.

Tonks turned in surprise. "Wait, you're leaving already?"

"Told you I would."

"Yes, but…give it a second at least." She then leaned in a little closer to whisper; "Sirius is staring directly at you."

Automatically, I turned my head, seeing she was right. He looked surprised as he leaned back in his chair and—having been with him so long, I recognised—a look of hurt in his grey eyes.

I immediately turned away, swallowing heavily as I reached for my bag.

"What do you expect me to do exactly?"

"Go and talk to him."

"I _can't_. It would create unnecessary confusion. We agreed to a break and here we are, having a break."

"Agreed? Because it looks to me as though Sirius might not be so keen."

I hesitated for one small second, before I was shaking my head. It wouldn't be right. I didn't want to mess with his head.

"I just…I can't alright, I'm sorry. But don't feel the need to follow me. Make the most of Remus being here."

And then I walked off before she could reply. I all but ran out of the room before I could chance another look at Sirius. It would be too hard and would undoubtedly stop me from leaving.

I leaned against the wall in the hallway instead, closing my eyes and trying to tell myself that I just did the right thing.

"Are you…okay?"

I glanced round in surprise at the voice, seeing Ollie—the new guy—stood a few feet away, reaching for his coat from one of the pegs on the coat stand. He smiled a little uncertainly. I must have looked a right mess.

"Bad day at the office."

His smile was sympathetic as he pulled on his coat. "Ah, I see. Don't you work at the Ministry? I feel like I've seen your face before."

"Yeah, I work in the Department of Defence."

"Oh nice," he smiled, heading for the door. I raised an eyebrow as I automatically followed, grabbing for my coat on my way. Nice wasn't quite the way I'd describe it anymore.

"I've overheard that the Ministry are planning on bringing in a compulsory Muggle-born registration."

"What? But that's…that's insane." I spluttered, half in shock and in fear as I shoved my arms through the sleeves of my coat.

Tonks's Dad was Muggle-Born and I had friends who were too.

"Yep, I know. But I guess the Ministry's in such a bad place at the minute that they might actually end up doing it."

"Well, no wonder you quit."

He nodded, following me down the steps of Grimmauld Place. "You should quit too. Not that I'm trying to cause anarchy or anything."

"I wouldn't care if you were. It's about time, I say. There have always been those certain people inside the Ministry have always undervalued those who aren't pure-blood."

"That's true," he agreed, falling in step with me as we headed down the road together.

I breathed an easy sigh. I felt a little better, being outside and away from Grimmauld Place. There was also a pang of disappointment swelling inside of me. Because despite just insisting that it wouldn't be right to speak to Sirius…that's exactly what I'd wanted to do. But this break was never going to work unless we gave ourselves time away from each other.

"I've just realised that I've been completely inconsiderate and not even asked you your name." He confessed sheepishly.

"Oh that's fine." I insisted, his voice waking me up from my thoughts. "I'm Annabelle. Annabelle Clements."

"Nice to meet you, Annabelle Clements."

"And you, Ollie."

"So…have you been at the order for long?"

"Just over a year," I smiled, despite myself. Because it had seemed so much longer than that. "I was the ex-newbie before you."

He laughed a little at that. "Ahh I see. That's handy to know. I don't suppose you're any good with surveillance missions, do you? It sounds terrible but I've never actually done one before and I'm meant to be doing exactly that next Thursday night, at some death eater's place."

Wow. So they were chucking him in at the deep end. "I'll come with. Keep you company and show you the ropes and all that."

He stared for a moment, clearly surprised. "Really? And you don't mind? I don't want to be a nuisance or anything—"

I couldn't help but smile at his surprise. "It's fine, honestly. Besides, I know what it feels like to be new."

"Thank you," he said in obvious relief. "I really do appreciate that."

"It's really no problem." I insisted again. If there was anything I needed right now, it was a distraction.


	6. Annabelle's POV- Friendly Concern

I knew I was early the moment I headed through the dining room of Grimmauld Place. Nobody besides Sirius was here.

I stood by the doorway, biting my lip uncertainly as I tried to work out what to do. I wasn't ready to talk to him yet. At least he looked as though he was taking care of himself. It would make me feel worst if he looked awful. But the minute I decided to go back outside and wait, he looked up from where he was stood, pouring himself a glass of firewhiskey.

"Annabelle," he said softly, his eyes shining with surprise. "You're early."

I nodded, swallowing heavily. "I see that. How much earlier am I?"

"Only about half an hour." He shrugged, taking a sip from his glass.

My gaze lingered on his lips for a moment longer before I quickly turned to look around the room. It was messier than usual. Paperwork was scattered across one side of the table and two chairs were pulled out. There were also two quills, both dropped into ink bottles and I realised as I took a step forwards that I might have interrupted something.

"How have you been?"

I spun round, blinking in surprise at how close his voice was. He was watching me closely as he held out a glass of firewhiskey.

"Oh err…no, thank you." He nodded, moving to put the glass back on the cabinet. "Actually, on second thought—"

I quickly reached out to take the glass from him and rose it to drink at least half of it, before winching a little as I set it back on the table. It had been a few months since I'd had a drop. All the while, I could feel his eyes on me.

"To answer your question," I began, finding my hands clinging to the back of one of the chairs. "I've been better. You?"

"Been better," he replied shortly and I saw him raise his own glass to his lips in the corner of my eyes.

I couldn't hold back a slight huff of disbelief at his claim. "Really? Do the twelve years in Azkaban seem like a walk in the park now?"

He gave a one-shouldered shrug. "Some of them do. At least with Azkaban, it was what it was. With this…yes, it's the same injustice, but I didn't ever have hope. Some days I expected to die in there. Either that or go completely insane. I was on the verge of having my own family. And then hope snatched it back from me."

I was so surprised by his honesty, I turned back to look at him. His gaze were downcast, a far-off look in his eyes as he downed the rest of his drink.

He was suffering too. Neither of us knew how to handle this and perhaps staying away from each other was doing more harm than good. I reached forwards, taking his other hand in mine and opening my mouth as he turned back to me in surprise.

"I'm sorry, for what happened between us—"

Then Jane Danvers walked back through the doorway. And my hand fell away from his.

It made sense now. Why there was two quills on the table and why there were two chairs pulled out. I'd interrupted something, alright.

"Nice to see you again, Annabelle."

Her tone was polite as she headed round the table to sit down, but I had to wonder how much she knew. Automatically, I looked back to Sirius. Would he have told her about us breaking up? Would he has gone as far as telling her about the baby?

As if sensing my gaze, he looked back at me and realisation seemed to show on his face, his eyes widening a little.

I couldn't bear to stand there any longer. Even if it meant waiting outside Grimmauld Place for half an hour. But I got as far as the hallway and Sirius was hot on my toes.

"Annabelle, wait." He said desperately, and he looked more torn than I'd ever seen him as I reluctantly turned back. "I…the thing is…"

He sighed heavily, stepping further out into the hallway. "Jane's just here to help me out with some order stuff. I…well, I wanted to ask you, but…"

"But things are awkward right now." I answered for him when he didn't continue. "I get it. Really, I do."

I sounded colder than I intended, but I didn't know what else to say. I instantly felt guilty when I saw how hurt he looked, but I forced myself to turn away, preparing to walk out the door. It wasn't his fault, but I couldn't stay in there with them. It brought up too many unnecessary memories, like us getting together in the first place.

Luckily Tonks was outside.

She glanced up in surprise and then nearly fell up the stairs in the process. I instantly reached forwards, grabbing her hand and smiling a little as she growled under her breath.

"Damn stairs. Damn feet."

"To be fair, the snows settled."

And it had. Snow was everywhere, despite it only being late November. It rarely snowed before Christmas. Then again, it had been colder than usual later.

"I've never liked snow." She confessed with a winch.

"Yes, I know. You always said it made walking that much harder."

"Well to be fair, I had a point. You remember the story of me spending Christmas holidays in hospital at Hogwarts because I sprained my ankle? That was all the snows fault."

I smiled despite myself. "I remember."

She dusted herself off, giving me one of her long looks. "You're early."

I rolled my eyes. Sometimes she was so like her cousin. "Yes, I know that now. I got the time wrong."

"So you…decided to wait out here instead?"

"Sirius is in there."

"Oh," she replied with a nod. "Well I assumed he would be given it's his house."

"Yes but he's in there with Danvers."

"Oh… _oh_!" She said in realisation, her eyes flickering towards the door. "So he's on his own…with her?"

"Yep."

"Why?"

"He reckoned she was helping him out with order stuff."

She nodded again. "Well then she probably is. You've already told me what James Potter told you. Danvers isn't his type—like I couldn't have guessed that myself."

"It doesn't mean I have to like it."

Her expression softened and I dropped my eyes, hating the look she was giving me as she pressed a hand to my arm. "Annabelle, he loves _you_. And besides, you've both been through too much. You've nothing to worry about."

I forced a nod as she pulled back, desperately clinging to a conversation changer.

"You seem happy, considering the weather and all that. Have you heard from Remus?"

"No," she replied with a heavy sigh, pulling off her gloves and shoving them back into her bag. "But it's called trying to be positive. I'm done moping at home like a lovesick teenager. It doesn't mean that I miss him any less, I just…have to believe that he'll come around…eventually. And as much as I'm struggling, my work is suffering. I need to focus more on what's going on now, rather than worrying about what might happen."

"True enough."

"He rushed off about five minutes after you left too. Fled with barely an explanation, said he had to get back to the camp in the early hours of the morning so needed to get some rest."

"Such a poor excuse."

She gave me a knowing look. "Well what was your excuse for fleeing when you saw Sirius, hmm?"

"I didn't really have one. Just told him that I understood why he couldn't ask me for help with whatever this order thing is and kind of just…left."

"Yes well then. Come on, should we get this over and done with?"

I sighed heavily. Even with Tonks now here, I didn't feel too keen on going back in there. "I suppose so—"

"Hey guys…do we have to wait to go in or something?"

Ollie was here, looking between us in confusion. His hair was slightly windswept, and his cheeks were pink from the cold.

"Oh no, we were just…" I trailed off, looking towards Tonks for help.

"Getting some fresh air." She finished for me with ease.

"In the middle of winter?" He asked disbelievingly, glancing at the two of us with amusement in his eyes.

"I actually don't mind the cold."

Ollie shrugged, offering a smile at Tonks's confession. "Fair enough. So err…are you going in?"

"Absolutely, after you." Tonks insisted as she held the door open for him. I rolled my eyes as she gave me a look, mouthing the words "perfect timing" as we both followed him through the door.

"I'm err Tonks by the way. My full name's Nymphadora Tonks, but I don't use my first name. It's too much of a mouthful. I just know I didn't get to introduce myself at the last meeting."

He nodded and smiled as he hung up his coat. "Nice to meet you."

I followed Tonks and Ollie's idea and hung up mine too.

"Oh erm…thanks for agreeing to come with me on that mission by the way, Annabelle. I don't feel like I thanked you at the last meeting." Ollie said as he took a step back.

I saw Tonks's head turn in my direction as I smiled at him. "Oh that's fine and you did. Like I say, I know what it feels like to be the newbie, so if I can help in anyway…"

He smiled back and nodded, before heading off down the hallway. I barely took a step to follow when Tonks put a hand out, stopping me.

"What the hell was that?"

"That was me offering to help out a fellow member of the order. Why, what the _hell_ did it look like?" I snapped, unable to stop myself from being just a little narky.

Because I'd just been trying to do something nice and the way she was looking at me…

"So let me get this straight. You're going on some mission with this random guy who's just started and you're kicking up a fuss about Sirius asking for help from Jane Danvers. You see where I'm going with this, right?"

"Yes I do and I don't like your tone!" I snapped, pulling her to the side of the hallway and looking back to make sure that Ollie had already gone in. "I was trying to be nice. And besides, I haven't got a history with Ollie. Sirius does. If you remember only last year, he basically used Jane to make me jealous—"

"Key word being used, Annabelle. She means nothing to him. And Ollie's young, as in our age, and he's also good-looking. He's already had interest from more than a few of the other women in the order. And yet, he's asked _you_ specifically to come on this mission with him. Don't you think Sirius might react the same way you have about this whole Danvers situation?"

"Okay, first things first. Let me make clear that I couldn't be less interested in meeting anyone of the opposite sex for a very long time. So even if he happens to be good looking, I can't really say I noticed. And secondly, I've already said, we don't have a history so it's completely different. Oh and thirdly, the mission is at some death eater's house. He sounded really nervous about it so I _offered_ to go with him. It's called being nice."

Her expression instantly changed. "You're right, I'm sorry. I'm being insensitive. It was just friendly concerning. I just…don't want to see you get hurt."

I opened my mouth to reply to that, but Mad-Eye was already heading through the front door.

"Why are you two loitering in the hallway?" He grumbled, pacing past us, whilst eyeing us suspiciously.

"We were just catching up." Tonks said, following him through the hallway.

"Like you don't do enough of that in your free time."

"Oh stop moaning." Tonks complained and I reluctantly followed them through to the dining room again.

The order was quieter tonight. There was no Snape or McGonagall, though Dumbledore was here, going through everyone's order missions for this week.

Ollie's was the last to be discussed.

"I believe that it is young Ollie Henley's first surveillance mission tomorrow evening if anyone would be interested in joining him." Dumbledore smiled politely as he glanced around the table. "It will be as the Lestrange's mansion."

My eyes widened, a sickening feeling spreading through me at the name. It shouldn't matter where it was, I'd have to face her sooner or later. But it did. I reluctantly put my hand up, knowing I couldn't go back on my promise to Ollie. It wouldn't be right.

Everyone turned to look at me, most with surprised expressions. The whole of the order knew about my almost-death experience and who caused it.

I cleared my throat, forcing the words out as Dumbledore looked to me expectantly. "I already said I didn't mind."

Dumbledore nodded. "Excellent. Thank you, Annabelle."

And then he changed the subject quickly onto something else.

My eyes fell towards Sirius's from across the table. He looked horrified.

But it was too late now. I was a Gryffindor, was I not? I couldn't let cowardice stop me from helping Ollie with his first mission.

Nevertheless, Sirius sought me out when most others had already upped and left.

"Are you sure joining Henley on tomorrow's missions a good idea?"

I sighed heavily, retrieving my bag from my chair and sparing a glance around the room. Luckily, there was only Tonks, Molly. Arthur, Dumbledore, and Mad-Eye still here.

I could practically feel Sirius's stare from where he stood to the left of me, expectantly waiting for my response.

"I don't have much choice. I didn't actually know it was going to be her house when I agreed to go on this mission."

"So then tell him he'll have to find someone else."

I sighed heavily. "I can't. It's his first surveillance mission and I felt bad. He sounded really nervous—"

"That's too bad. There are plenty of members to go around. I mean merlin, if it means that it gets you out of this, then I'll even go—"

"No," I interrupted, quickly shaking my head. "No, that's an even worst idea. She's your cousin, for god's sake. And she likely wants you dead—"

"And if you remember correctly, that's exactly what she thinks you are. If she sees you, then you really will be dead—"

"Then we'll make sure we're not seen, won't we?" I insisted firmly, turning towards him and forcing what I hoped was a confident smile, even with the way he was looking at me. "I'll be fine, Sirius. I'm a big girl. But thank you for the concern, nevertheless."

And before he could argue anymore, I headed round the table to try and put a finish to the conversation. It wasn't like I didn't feel nervous. I was surprised at myself for sounding as strong as I did. But it was too late. I'd just have to get on with it.

[-]


	7. Annabelle's POV- Surveillance

**Thank you for the reviews so far. :) I promise that the next chapter will be in Tonks's POV for those that have been impatiently waiting. TeaLoverx, thank you so much for your review. It's good to know that you're still following the story haha. :) Enjoy the chapter everyone and let me know what you think.**

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The first noise I heard was a baby's wail. It was coming from a cot in the corner. The room I was in looked like the hospital ward at Hogwarts. I walked forwards and peered into the cot, to see a small, new-born baby, crying loudly, his face all scrunched up.

I reached out to pick him up and his cries quickly soothed out into small sobs, before he gave a large yawn.

I smiled, my fingers curling against the slight, dark curls atop of his head. He looked so alike Sirius, but he definitely had my eyes. And then they closed and he was soon snoring peacefully in my arms.

"Get away from him."

I turned slowly so as to not disturb the baby. Sirius was there, watching me closely. But his expression…there was obvious disgust and I instantly held the baby tighter to me.

"It's…it's _our_ baby. He's okay. He survived."

"No he didn't." Sirius replied coldly, stepping forwards with that same look on his face. "Because you didn't want him, remember?"

Then he reached out his arms and attempted to tear the baby from me.

I gasped, panic flooding me as I begged him to stop. He refused to listen, his features hardening and I cried out, as he managed to get a grasp of the baby and pull him away.

Then he turned back to sneer at me. "None of this is real. He died because you didn't love him."

"Don't say that. I did, I really did. Please," I sobbed, desperately reaching for the baby again, even when he was already walked away, leaving me a pathetic mess on the floor. "Please Sirius, I'm begging you. Don't do this!"

But it was too late. They were both gone.

And I woke with a gasp, flying forwards in my bed, drenched in my own cold sweat.

* * *

Ollie was already at the meeting point by the time I got there.

It was freezing. It was the middle of December and I had about three layers on, as well as a thick scarf. There was the option of casting a warming spell, but it was tricky and only ever lasted for so long. It was miserable actually. The rain was pelting down determinedly, and it didn't look like it was about to stop anytime soon. I supposed it was appropriate, with the way I was feeling.

I forced a small smile and met him by the side of a small meadow. "Hey."

He glanced round and smiled instantly. He was sat on a small stool by the side of a meadow, presumably having put an extension charm on his bag. He waved an invisibility cloak at me. "Oh hi. Dumbledore asked me to bring this, thought it would be a little more discreet."

"Cool, okay."

I stood awkwardly. I'd not thought to put an extension charm on my own bag when I left, so that I was able to bring my own stool. Truth was, I'd been distracted as usual.

"There's more than enough room on here, you know."

And with that, he flicked his wand and placed an extension charm on the stool, enough so that I would fit.

I smiled a little, sitting down beside him and placing my bag to the floor. "Thanks."

The house was huge, an actual mansion. But it also looked creepy. On one side of the house there was a spiral tower, shaped like Rapunzel's. The whole house was a dismal grey shade and there was a huge, black fence going around the outside of the house. The front door was directly in front of us, at least a few hundred feet away, which was convenient placing.

"Who knew Death Eaters had such grandeur houses. Even if it is a bit…"

"Creepy?" He offered with a laugh.

I nodded, smiling a little. "Yeah, I say. Is this definitely the right vantage point? Not that I'm doubting your scouting skills or anything. But a house this big…must surely have two entrances."

"Nah, Dumbledore said this is the door they always use. Apparently Death Eaters aren't known for their subtlety."

"Well who'd have believed it?"

He grinned in response as he began to slowly unravel the invisibility cloak. He gestured it with his head as he begun to pull this round himself. "Should we—"

"Of course," I forced myself to agree, knowing there was never going to be a more comfortable way of doing this. We would just have to huddle.

"I'm sorry there isn't a more comfortable way of doing this."

"I was just thinking the same thing." I admitted as I wrapped the cloak around me and sat a bit closer so that just our feet could be seen. It was dark anyway. "Never mind. We'll just have to make the best of it."

"That we will."

"Sorry if I was late. Had you been here long?"

He shook his head. "Only about fifteen minutes. I was a little early. Guess you could say I was hoping the sooner I got here, the more chance I'd be prepared."

"Fair enough." I shrugged. "There's nothing to worry about really. There's not usually that much that goes on, on surveillance missions, even with how boisterous the death eaters have been lately. I can't imagine that the Lestrange's are the type to invite people over for an evening of fine dining, especially with friends like theirs."

He snorted at that. "Is that so? You say that like you're familiar with them?"

"Well…" But then I stopped.

I'd already heard of Bellatrix before joining the order. Everyone from the Ministry knew of how her and her husband had tortured Neville Longbottom's parents into insanity. And she was technically Tonks's aunt.

"I'm sure you've heard of them too. They're a little infamous. One of them even broke out from Azkaban earlier this year."

"The Ministry aren't very good at keeping people in prison, are they?" He said with a snort. "Then again, the Ministry don't seem very motivated right now. But yes, I've heard of them. Aren't they some of you-know-who's most loyal followers?"

"That's an understatement." I said. Bellatrix could barely stand the thought of someone like me talking about Voldemort when I'd met her. "They're not all that fond of people like you and me. Then again, I suspect most of followers have that attitude."

He nodded, his tone cold as he asked; "Have you had the pleasure of meeting any of them?"

"You could say that. I wouldn't particularly call it a pleasure though." I said with a shrug. It felt surprisingly easy to talk about, now that it had been a few months. Of course I'd been terrified, had been convinced that my number was up, but I wasn't going to let Bellatrix Lestrange scare me into hiding away. "Bellatrix Lestrange happens to be the one who killed me a few months ago."

It wasn't like he wasn't going to find out anyway. The whole of the order knew.

He blinked, his expression showing his shock. "What? But you're…you're alive now. How's that possible?"

"My friend's Mum found a resurrection potion, which as you probably know is incredibly rare."

"Yeah. I mean, barely anyone believes that that sort of potion exists." He said in agreement, blinking in surprise for a moment. "So…why did she come after you?"

"Long story," I sighed. "Then again, you're likely to find out eventually anyway. I was seeing her cousin. You can probably guess why she didn't like the sound of that."

"Because of who you are."

"Exactly. My Dad was muggle-born, Mum was pure-blood.""

"That's the opposite for me." He said with a smile. "It's cool though. Mum's actually working abroad at the minute, working in schools and volunteering with less fortunate wizarding communities."

"Nice."

"Yeah, it has its moments. So have you done many missions for the order?"

"A fair few. I didn't really know what to expect when I first joined, but I actually enjoy them now. Sometimes we'd bring exploding snap and things to play, although in fairness some probably weren't the best idea at the time. I remember once, I was on this scouting mission with Sirius—"

And just like that, I was no longer in the mood to reminisce.

He turned his head when I stopped talking, eyeing me curiously. "Yeah?"

"It doesn't matter. It wasn't even that funny."

"It sounded pretty—"

"Look, maybe we should just concentrate on the mission."

He nodded, his surprise at my tone obvious, but turned back to watch the house.

Through the night, people begun to arrive. Yaxley, a Ministry employee from the department of Magical Law Enforcement and a few others that I recognized from photos in the Daily Prophet and the wanted posters scattered throughout Hogsmeade and Diagon Alley.

I felt bad for snapping at Ollie, but it seemed too late to make my apologies. I wasn't the best person to be around anyway. Perhaps he'd understand if I told him why I had snapped, but it wasn't something I wanted to talk about.

"Wait…did you say Bellatrix Lestrange's name?"

"Yeah, why?"

"She used to be a Black, right? And you said you were seeing her cousin, so…Sirius Black? The one the Daily Prophet kept accusing."

"The one they _wrongly_ kept accusing." I said automatically. And then I sighed heavily. "But yes that's the one."

"Oh," he said, curiosity in his eyes.

"What?"

"I just couldn't imagine…you and him, I mean."

"Oh really and why is that exactly?" I sniped, instantly sitting up.

"It's no offence meant, it's just—"

"What, because he's a little older than me? People underestimate him, you know. He's…well, he's kind, honest and more compassionate than any man I've been with, and he's funny too. For someone who has been through as much as he has, lost as much, he's a brilliant friend. He's been there for me through a lot." I found myself saying, even when this horrible ache filled me at the thought of him. "You should never judge a book by its cover. Being with the order has taught me that. And I can tell you that Sirius Black is a far better man than the Daily Prophet has been making out."

"No you're right, I'm sorry." He said quickly. "I shouldn't have judged. To be honest, I've barely even spoken to him myself yet."

I nodded in response. Perhaps I shouldn't have reacted so harshly, but it was true. People underestimated him.

"I'm ashamed to admit that I did the same thing when I joined."

"Well even still, he clearly means a lot to you." He noted with a small nod. "You make him sound amazing."

"That's because he is."

"Well then," he said with a shrug. "Why are the two of you not together anymore? That is, if you don't mind me asking."

Clearly, my reluctance showed on my face. "Urm…it's a long story. Like most things in life, I guess." I added with a forced smile, my attempt at trying to make the conversation a little lighter. "But hey, these things happen, I guess."

But he didn't seem fooled.

"You know, you don't have to pretend with me. I can see that you're still upset by whatever's happened." His voice was soft as he finally looked back at me. "Perhaps you and him, you'll be able to give things another go one day."

I sighed softly at his words. Because that was what I wanted, more than anything. "One day."

[-]


	8. Tonks's POV- Curiosity killed the Cat

**Here's the next chapter. Please let me know what you think of the story so far as I literally have no clue why you're all still reading it haha. Not that I'm eternally grateful that you are. You guys are amazing! But just let me know what you think of everything going on. :)**

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"Nice to see you on this fine, winter's evening Nymphadora."

"For the last bloody time Snape, my name is _Tonks_." I said fiercely, stomping up to the front of his desk.

He looked oddly amused, considering I'd just barged my way in here. I was almost expecting a lecture on breaking privacy, but I found myself too angry to care.

Since bumping into him at St. Mungo's a few weeks ago, Snape had been weirdly civil. But it was like he couldn't help himself. Since Remus had stopped by headquarters the other day, Snape had been making jibes again and I'd had enough. We were on the same side, for goodness sake. Not that you'd have thought it, the way Snape had been glowering that night. It wasn't right. Remus hadn't done anything wrong.

"You need to stop belittling Remus too, if we're going to continue working together. I'm sick of it."

He raised an eyebrow as he continued reading from a paper in front of him. "Firstly, it's a shame you continue to refuse to be acknowledged by your given name. It's far more pleasant than the one you constantly correct people with—"

"Yes well, last time I checked, it was _my_ name so I can do whatever the hell I want, thanks—"

"Secondly," he interrupted hastily, before pausing a moment. He glanced up and there was definite amusement in his eyes. "You need to hear how much of a nuisance Lupin is. Perhaps it will finally persuade you into taking more interest in your own life, rather than worrying after what that stupid werewolf is doing every five minutes—"

"How dare you!" I exclaimed, my hands moulding into fists at my side.

Of course I worried after Remus, but that was because nobody seemed to know what was going on. There'd been another werewolf attack yesterday. I'd rushed to Dumbledore's office, feeling convinced it was the same pack Remus had been assigned to, and all the while feeling as if I was on the verge of throwing up. But it wasn't, not this time anyway. I felt terrible for feeling a smidgen of relief. But how long would luck last?

"You know it's true. You're a gifted witch and highly valuable to the order. I'm sure Lupin would agree that it would be a sorry waste if something was to happen to you."

"For the last time, my name's—"

But then I stopped. Did I hear him right?

"Wait…did you just call me a _gifted witch_?"

That didn't seem right. A compliment? And from Snape, of all people.

"Please, don't sound too startled on my behalf. I doubt it's something you've never heard before." Snape snorted sarcastically.

"Well yes…just not from you...ever."

He rolled his eyes, finally settling down the paperwork he was holding and giving me his full attention. "You've proven yourself as a worthy asset to the order. You're fiercely determined, and you was extremely capable at brewing the Wolfsbane Potion. True enough, I might have underestimated you at first, with your absurdly bright hair and ludicrous choice of clothing—"

I huffed sourly. "Thanks very much—"

"But you've proved me and everyone else wrong. Don't let Lupin take that away with his own stupidity."

I crossed my arms and raised my eyebrows. There he went again. "I won't say it again, you really need to stop—"

"Okay fine." He sighed heavily, looking bored. "Can we just agree to disagree about Lupin and can you learn to finally take a damn compliment, Nymphadora?"

I blinked, thinking carefully on that. That seemed a fair enough deal. "Fine. Just no more digs at Remus."

He rolled his eyes but nodded. "I've just said as much, haven't I? Besides, I've had my say."

It was liked he had to have the last comment. But I was through with this conversation. Perhaps it would mean getting out of here quicker.

"Right well. What did you want then, Snape? McGonagall told me to head to your office as soon as my shift on second floor was over."

He scowled obviously, looking far from amused, and I wondered what the bloody hell I'd done now. "If I'm not allowed to call you Nymphadora, then you should do me the courtesy of calling me Severus."

"Ugh fine _Severus_ , what the bloody hell did you want?"

"I assure you that there is no need for the profanities, _Tonks_." He said, though he winched a little as he said my name. "I merely wished to remind you about our upcoming meeting tomorrow evening. I presume you have something useful to tell me?"

Due to how busy everyone was, we'd all been given a partner to go to. Mine was Snape and we agreed to meet once a week.

"Yes." I snapped briskly, before huffing again at his expectant reaction. "Well I'm not telling you now. I've got better things to be doing, like the order meeting this evening, for example?"

"Yes, I remember, Nymphadora."

"Fine." I sighed heavily, but said nothing about his choice of name again. I supposed old habits and all that. "Then until tomorrow, _Snape_."

He rolled his eyes, but finally looked back to his paperwork. I took full advantage, turning to flee from his office.

"Since we're apparating to the same place, we might as well go together. That is if you can stand to be spotted in my company, of course."

I snorted at his tone and forced myself to come to a stop. "You're the one who said it Sna—Severus, not me."

It felt way too weird calling him by his first name.

"Then please, amuse me."

"Ugh, fine."

I did have to work with him after all.

"Don't sound too overjoyed, Nymphadora." Snape sniped as he pushed away from his desk and slowly rose. "Or are you worried what your buffoon of a cousin will think if he sees us arrive together?"

"No." I said too quickly.

Truth was that Sirius's reaction had been my first thought. He was bound to be unimpressed, even if I had been assigned to Snape.

Snape raised an eyebrow, but kept silent as he raised an arm to indicate towards the door. "Then by all means."

"Fine." I huffed, stomping back towards the door. I could be stubborn when I wanted.

It was weird, walking through Hogwarts with Snape. Especially since I'd made it my mission to avoid him at school. But every time I made conversation, he insisted it wasn't necessary and we went back to silence. It wasn't like I didn't try. I even asked him about his favourite subject, Defence against the Dark Arts. Everyone knew how much he'd wanted the job and now he was finally professor. But still, nothing.

Was he doing it to cause trouble? I'd thought we'd been getting on well, but perhaps I'd only imagined it. Maybe he was doing this because he knew it would aggravate Sirius. He answered my question when he left my side as soon as we'd walked into the dining room of headquarters without another word.

I shook my head, biting my tongue to stop myself from saying anything. It wasn't worth it.

"What you doing arriving with Snivellus?"

Of course Sirius would have noticed. I turned round to see he was stood a few feet away, his expression a mixture of disgust and curiosity as he stared off behind me.

"We was both at Hogwarts, thought it'd be easier to apparate together."

I didn't mention how it was Snape's idea. It was weird as it was.

He nodded, though he still looked surprised. "Right. I keep forgetting you've been assigned to there now. How's Harry coping?"

I was so surprised by his question that I finally looked at him properly. "You've not been talking?"

He shrugged, folding his arms across his chest as he leaned against the wall. "Not for a couple of weeks. He's been busy with his NEWT's and I didn't want to bother him."

I frowned at his words. "Harry wouldn't see it like that. You should owl him after the meeting, see how he's doing. I'm sure he'd appreciate that, especially if he's stressing about exams."

He nodded, smiling a little. But it was gone as soon as his eyes flickered over to the table. "How's Annabelle?"

I followed his gaze, straight to Annabelle. She was sat with the newbie again. She was actually smiling. She looked happier than she had in weeks and not as skinny. That was a good thing surely. I believed her when she said there was nothing between her and Ollie and that she just needed a friend. She had me, but I imagined Ollie was the outsider's perspective she needed.

"Didn't you only speak to her a couple of days ago?"

"Yes, but you know her. She underplays things. I asked how her mission with Henley went because of course, I was worried. But she'd barely talk about it."

I found myself looking back towards her at that.

Things were bound to be difficult. But it had seemed Annabelle had found it easier to open up to Sirius. She'd told him happened to her parents before she even told me. Maybe breaking up had taken its toll. This might have been her way of putting some distance between them.

"At least she's looking better than she has in a while."

Ollie seemed to be hanging onto every word Annabelle said. She'd barely looked at him, even though she was smiling, staring down at a paper in front of her. That's what had me worried.

"He looks like he's having the time of his life too." Sirius said, his voice cold.

I smiled sympathetically. "In all fairness, it doesn't seem to be reciprocated."

"Yeah well how would we know either way?" Sirius snapped instead, narrowing his eyes as he turned back to look at me. "She barely talks to me anymore and the way she lets him flirt with her…well, how long will it be before she starts flirting back?"

"She said she's not interested and I believe her. She can't help her it if he flirts with her. It's not like she's leading him on."

"Yeah, but it doesn't exactly look like she's brushing him off either."

"Sirius." I sighed heavily. "She was pretty much saying the same about you and Jane the other day."

His eyes widened, looking straight back at me. "What? But that's stupid. She already knows there's nothing between me and her—"

"Well exactly. It's the same for the two of them. And besides, she loves you—"

"Yeah well it really looks that way, doesn't it?" He grumbled sourly, glaring at the table one last time before turning away and moving back round the table before I could ease his worries again.

I sighed heavily. They were both as bad as each other sometimes.

I took the seat besides Annabelle, who finally glanced up in surprise. "Oh…I saved two seats."

"Yes well, Sirius isn't quite in the mood." I said, glancing down the table. Sirius was sat at the very opposite side, looking just as miserable as he had these past few weeks.

"Why?" Annabelle asked, looking genuinely confused.

Automatically, my eyes moved behind her. Ollie was looking the other way, luckily.

"Not…because of me? But why, what have I done now?"

"He's just feeling a bit…insecure that's all. You remember how you felt when you saw Sirius and Jane together the other day?"

"Yeah…don't tell me he's feeling the same way. But that's ridiculous. There's nothing between me and Ollie." She exclaimed in a huff.

"Funnily enough, he said pretty much the same thing about Jane."

"Yeah well that's different." She frowned. "Anyway…"

She turned her head a little. Ollie was still turned the opposite way. Then she turned back more fully, and leaned towards me.

"In all honesty, Ollie's been behaving a little strange anyway."

I frowned. What the hell did that mean? "Why what's he done? He's not come on to you or anything, has he?"

"No, no, don't be silly." She whispered back quickly. "It's just…he seems to keep asking about Sirius. I mean, he was fine the other day, on the mission. But lately, I don't know…it's just weird. Like, if I think we're going to get back together or not? And, what was the reason we broke up in the first place?"

"Well perhaps he's just being curious." I said with a shrug. "He might be trying to see what happened to break you up and to see if there's a chance you'll go back there. It makes sense if you think about it. Ollie's been staring at you all night, so it's obvious he's interested."

"No, it doesn't feel like it's just that." She shook her head. "It's like…he's more interested in our relationship. He kept asking how long we were together for and what attracted us together in the first place."

"Yeah okay that's sounds a little strange." I paused for a moment, considering an option neither Sirius nor me had considered. "You don't think he's gay, do you?"

"No!" She insisted quickly. "It's nothing like that. Just…like he's interested in our relationship as a whole, rather than one particular person. I don't know how to explain it, but it definitely feels weird."

I frowned, watching her turn back, her forehead creased as though she was still thinking on it. I wanted to find my voice, to tell her that it's probably nothing, but it did seem strange.

Sirius spent most of the evening looking Annabelle's way. It seemed that every time Annabelle was turned away, it was like his eyes were caught on her again.

I rolled my eyes obviously. He was just as subtle as Annabelle.

And then Dumbledore mentioned a new mission. Word had got out that Lestrange was meeting with Scabior, a snatcher in Yorkshire. Kingsley had heard that a few known death eaters were meant to be going too and we needed to know what they might be planning. It meant being stationed in a barn a few hundred yards away, keeping lookout for the night and seeing who arrived and left.

Dumbledore turned to Sirius. "Given that you're now free to roam as you please, I was wondering if you'd like to take this one Sirius?"

He nodded instantly, smiling for the first time that night. "Yeah alright, I'd love—"

"I'm not so sure that's a good idea."

Everyone—including me—turned to look at Annabelle.

She was sat forwards, concern in her eyes as Dumbledore too, turned to her.

"And why would that be, Annabelle?"

"Well because," she begun, taking a deep breath before continuing. "It's too risky for one person to be undertaking this mission, especially with some of the people rumoured to be turning up. And it's overnight, so he'd have to be alert at all times—"

"And I will be. This mission is the first one I've had in months and I won't mess it up if that's what you're worried about."

But she shook her head, looking to Dumbledore and continuing as though she hadn't heard him. "I just think that Sirius might not be the best choice. He is technically related to Lestrange after all. He might be more at risk of being recognised."

Sirius instantly sat forwards. "My relation to her is nothing more than a technicality. She's certainly no family of mine. And it's not like I'm going to make my whereabouts obvious. I'll be in the barn anyway, so she won't see me—"

"Perhaps Annabelle's right."

Sirius looked ready to kill at Dumbledore's words. He smiled warily across at him and quickly added; "About you being alone, anyway."

Sirius shrugged, sitting back in his chair and glancing purposely towards Annabelle. "I'll just have to take Danvers, won't I?"

That wiped away Annabelle's smug smile. Then Sirius winked across at Jane and Annabelle seemed to redden further, her hands balling into fists on the table. She didn't say anything else for the rest of the meeting. And when it was over, she practically ignored Ollie asking if she was alright, grabbed her bag and stomped out the door.

Seconds later, Sirius's smile was gone and he rose quickly to go and grab himself a glass of firewhiskey.

"Well I hope you're pleased with yourself. She looked thoroughly distraught."

He shrugged and smiled, though it seemed forced as he poured himself a glass. "If she's allowed to flirt, then so am I."

"You know as well as I do that she wasn't even flirting with Ollie. She's not flirted with him once since he's got here!" I exclaimed furiously. "You did that on purpose, out of spite, because you didn't like it that Annabelle said you shouldn't go on this mission."

"Fine, sue me. I'm still not barely allowed out of the house as it is, and I don't need her declaring whether or not she thinks it's a good idea. She knows I hate being here. I mean merlin, if Dumbledore of all people thinks I'll be fine, then I'll be bloody fine. Just look at how reluctant he's been to let me become more involved so far."

"You should see that as a good thing. It means she still cares."

He snorted at that. "Oh yeah, 'course. Only cares enough to make sure I don't go and do something bloody reckless, but she doesn't care enough to ask me if I'm even okay."

"Sirius, it's—"

"I don't want to hear it. She's made her choice." Sirius interrupted quickly, though his eyes seemed to say something different entirely as he rose his glass to his lips. "Besides…I'm a free agent now, which means that I can do whatever I like again. Personally, I don't see where the disadvantage is in that."

But all I heard were empty words.

"You don't mean that. You're just hurt—"

"So what if I am?" He snapped, slamming the glass back against the counter. "I think I have every right to be. Annabelle barely acknowledges me, let alone talks to me. She cares when she wants to, when it suits her."

"You're the first person she's let herself get close to. She's scared and doesn't know how to handle it. She probably doesn't even know how to talk to you anymore. It's not like she's friends with any of her ex's. And even if she was, it's different. What you had was the closest thing to love she's experienced. I'm sure you can relate to that at least."

For a moment, he didn't reply. And then he nodded, opening his mouth to say something.

"Good luck on your mission, Black."

Sirius barely acknowledged Snape, though his hands curled further against the edge of the counter.

"And I'm sure I'll be seeing you tomorrow, Nymphadora."

"I suppose you will, _Snape_." I hissed back, enjoying the way his lips curled as he turned to walk through the doorway. Despite what we agreed, I certainly wasn't going to call him Severus in front of Sirius.

I took one look at Sirius, who still looked utterly miserable and sighed heavily.

"Come on. Grab the bottle and another glass, let's go drink upstairs."

Truth was that I didn't feel like going home yet. It was too quiet and I had time to think. About how much I missed Remus, how much it ached not to hear from him, even if it was just to say he was okay. And worst still, I kept thinking about what he could be doing, or if he was even alive. I swallowed hard, reaching for the bottle. It was my fifth glass and I knew I should probably cut myself off soon. After all, I was supposed to be the one comforting Sirius, and yet, drink seemed to be the only thing that dulled my thoughts.

"You look about as cheerful as I feel." Sirius slurred from the sofa opposite. He was slouched, glass in hand and set against his knee, with a far-off look on his face. "I'm guessing Remus is as much in touch with you, as he is me."

"You could say that." I replied carefully as I sipped on my drink.

Sirius sighed heavily. "Well, what another rubbish end of the year this has been. It's been about as cheerful as it was last year."

"I don't know. Christmas last year seemed alright to me. Remus and I was together…sort of, and you had Annabelle."

"And now, Remus is putting his life in danger every single day, on Dumbledore's say-so and Annabelle barely acknowledges me. What a year."

"It will get easier." I said, though the words sounded hollow.

Sirius raised his eyebrows in response. "That the best you got? Then again, I can't say I blame you."

It was quiet for a moment as we both sipped on our drinks.

"I miss him too. Of course I understand that he can't get in contact much. It will rouse too much suspicion if they see him writing letters when he's supposed to have nobody. But even when he was here for the meeting the other day, it was like he wasn't really here. I hate the thought of what he might be going through."

I swallowed heavily again. "Me too."

"And of course Dumbledore refuses to do anything. Because it's all for the better good and we—the people who love him, who actually care about him—are just supposed to be alright with that. Never mind if it's killing him in the process."

"He's a stubborn git. He wouldn't let us do anything, even if we could."

"Exactly." Sirius huffed. "Christmas couldn't come around sooner. Perhaps I'll lock him in Buckbeak's old room. Put some anti-charm spells up, so he can't disapparate or unlock the door. That way the git will have no choice."

"Sounds good to me." I said around a half-smile. It was actually a little more bearable, being here at headquarters, talking with Sirius, someone who was clearly just as worried about Remus as I was.

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	9. Annabelle's POV- Revelation

**I can only apologize for taking so long to upload the next chapter. I hope it's worth the wait. Let me know what you think. I promise I read everyone's reviews and couldn't be happier with everyone's support. Thank you so much. :)**

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I'd been relieved to be partnered with Ollie at first. He was new, like me. Tonks might have joined a month or so before me, but she'd fitted in as though she'd been there for years. Ollie had also been relatable. He'd worked at the Ministry too and he was a halfblood, like us.

But he'd been acting strange recently, erratic almost.

He'd started asking too many questions. Things like if I'd spoken to Sirius recently and why I was still in the order if it was so hard seeing him. Then it had moved on to asking questions about our break-up and what things had been like when we'd been together. He might have had a point about me remaining in the order, but no matter how I felt, we were all here to make a difference and that was more important.

I arranged to meet him at headquarters each time we met.

Of course I could have just gone to Dumbledore or Moody and ask to be partnered with someone else, but I didn't want the fuss. I wanted to prove that I was strong enough to deal with this by myself. I had to at least try. I wasn't quite the giving up type.

And Tonks had her own problems too. It wasn't fair to keep running to her either.

We'd been asked by Dumbledore to go over the details of Sirius's mission in Yorkshire. It was mainly talking about emergency strategies, more for things going wrong or if they were seen.

It was difficult though, talking about his safety so casually. It didn't help that I'd been selfishly avoiding him either. I'd been acting like a coward but I didn't know what to say. With everything going on, we'd agreed to space, but I didn't really want that. I was at least trying to respect his wishes.

I arrived at headquarters like normal to find Ollie waiting at the dining table, staring at some paperwork. He looked tired and his hair seemed messier, but he smiled when he saw me stood by the doorway.

He was on his own and I automatically glanced back to the staircase.

"Sirius isn't here." Ollie said quickly.

I could feel my smile fall instantly, as I headed into the doorway. "Oh."

"Or at least he doesn't seem to be. It was quiet when I arrived. Only that Kreacher was around, but he went back to cleaning upstairs."

"Well…that's fine. I suppose it will help us concentrate anyway."

He nodded as I moved to sit opposite him, settling my bag on the chair next to me.

"You look nice."

I glanced up to see Ollie staring at me. Something made me shiver and not in a good way.

"Oh, well…thanks." I said, turning back to look at the doorway again for a moment. "Where did you say Kreacher had disappeared to again?"

"Just upstairs somewhere." He replied vaguely. "Why?"

His tone was brisk and my eyes found his again. He was suddenly almost smug as he added; "Don't trust me?"

I forced a smile, looking back down at the paperwork he'd brought along. "Don't be silly. So, Mad-Eye expects this to be completed by tonight, so that we're able to discuss what we've agreed at tomorrow's meeting."

He rolled his eyes, sitting back in his chair. "Why am I not surprised?"

"Probably because you've already seen for yourself what Mad-Eye is like." I snorted. "Anyway, there are at least two exits in the barn Sirius is to be stationed in, and Kingsley apparated from there fine when he went to check it out earlier today, so Sirius should be safe to do the—"

"Your jacket matches your eyes."

I was so surprised that I stopped, glancing up from underneath my eyelashes. To find that Ollie was still staring. "Excuse me?"

"Your jacket. It's the same blue as your eyes. Except that your eyes change colour, of course. Sometimes, they look blue. Sometimes, they look green."

"Right." I said carefully. "Well with all due respect, we're meant to be focusing on the mission, so perhaps you could retune your full attention that instead."

"Am I making you uncomfortable, Annabelle?"

I sighed heavily, finally looking straight at him. I'd dealt with enough creeps in the past to know when someone was deliberately being one.

"Yes you are. And honestly, I don't really get what your problem is. We might have to work together, but that doesn't mean that I have to constantly put up with your unprofessionalism. You've been asking me way too many questions about my personal life, even after I've made it clear that I don't want to discuss it with you."

"My apologies." He said quickly, though it didn't sound at all genuine. He waved his hand back to the paperwork. "By all means, shall we get back to work?"

I didn't believe his intentions but I nodded anyway. "Yes, let's."

"So Jane has already expressed her interest in being part of this mission. We should still have someone else as a back-up, just in case she's ill on the day or whatever."

"How about you."

I sighed heavily. If only. "I can't. I have work the next morning and Dumbledore's not sure what time it will actually finish."

"Then perhaps me."

I didn't like the way Ollie was still staring at me. And I had a feeling that I didn't want Ollie anywhere near Sirius or anyone else for that matter, not on a mission, where trust was futile.

"I don't think so."

"And why not?"

"You've only been here a week. They'll want someone who's already experienced in the order, or at least an auror."

"Then Tonks is a logical choice. She seems to…handle herself, well."

I bit my lip hard. I didn't like his tone, but it didn't seem worth saying anything right now.

"Alright. Kingsley's loaned Sirius a spare invisibility cloak too, which will lessen the risk of being seen."

I still wasn't that keen. It was ridiculous, to feel this anxious.

"He'll be fine." Ollie insisted, his tone the softest it had been since I'd gotten here.

"Of course he will."

Surprisingly, my voice sounded firmer than I felt.

I was more than relieved when we were finally finished half an hour later. Sirius still wasn't back and I was about ready to go home and lock myself in. Ollie's company was still less than bearable. He might not have asked anymore questions but he'd been watching me a little too closely and I didn't like it. It was like he had a split personality.

"So…got any plans tonight?" Ollie asked conversationally as we both stood.

"Not particularly," I said carefully, forcing a smile as I tucked my chair in. "Might go round to Tonks's. You?"

He nodded. "I've got work to catch up on."

"Fair enough." I said, preparing to pick my bag up from the chair besides me. Then I realised something. "Wait, I thought you'd already quit your job at the Ministry anyway?"

"I have. It's just…more family stuff, not really work."

I nodded. It wasn't anything to do with me if he was lying about it.

"You believe me, don't you Annabelle?" He said briskly, standing in front of me just as I'd begun to walk round the table.

Just like that, it was like he'd changed again. His eyes were wide and practically erratic.

"Sure. I'll see you at the meeting tomorrow, Ollie."

"Well, why don't we go for a drink now instead?"

I blinked as he stepped in front of me again and my eyes automatically moved back to the doorway. "Can't, sorry. The truth is, I've got…work to catch up on too."

He snorted. "Except you've never been that good at knowing what the truth is, so why should I believe you?"

It took me a moment to respond, by which point, I was feeling pretty livid. "Okay look, whatever. I'm done. If you think I'm lying, then go ahead and think it. But either way, I'm leaving, now."

"I don't think so." He sneered, stepping to the right at the same time as I did. Now I as angry.

"Get the hell out of my way, Ollie."

"Or what? You'll scream?" He said with a snicker. "In case you haven't noticed, nobody's around."

"Do you really think I'm scared of you?" I sniped as confidently as possible. "I can take you. Besides, I'm sure Kreacher would be more than happy to show you the way out."

His smile widened. "Yes. I did say Kreacher was around, didn't I?"

I tried not to let my panic show at the way he said that. Ollie could have easily been lying. Kreacher had been remarkably quiet lately. And I seriously doubted that he'd have left the house.

"Whatever," I said, side-stepping him again. But he stepped in front of me again, a smirk on his face as though this was somehow amusing to him.

"Do I have to ask you to get out of my way again?"

He shrugged, clearly and completely unconcerned. "I think you do."

I nodded. I had a feeling he'd probably say that. Creeps were never that smart.

So I moved quickly, before he could have time to react. I lifted my leg and kicked forwards, straight between his legs, enjoying his loud groan of pain as he lurched forwards. I was proud to say my Uncle had taught me that move.

Then I stepped around him as quickly as I could, but he recovered faster than I expected. His hand locked itself around my wrist, pulling my arm back and I cried out before I could stop myself. I grit my teeth through the pain as he stepped forwards, pressing his mouth to my ear. "Nice try, little girl."

I growled, raising my foot and stamping down as hard as I could on his. He shouted, his grip on my arm loosening enough that I could step forwards but he was too fast again. His arms were already around me, digging into my skin as he shoved me forwards. My bag fell and the table dug into my back as I glanced up, catching his narrowed eyes.

"I like a girl with fight."

I pulled a face at his words. He was disgusting. And strong. It didn't seem to matter how much I kicked out or punched. I struggled again as he grabbed hold of my chin roughly, forcing me to look at him.

"I didn't get it at first. Why she was so into you."

"What?" I exclaimed. I was so surprised that I even stopped struggling for a moment.

"She said I needed to keep an eye on you, ask a few questions about you and him, find out anything that can help destroy any chance of rekindling your pathetic relationship. But now, I at least get it. You're rather feisty for a mudblood."

I pulled a face at his words. "How can you call me that? When you're—"

But then I stopped. What if everything Ollie had told me was a lie?

"You lied to me, about your parentage."

"I'm surprised it took you so long to figure it out. Then again, you aren't the brightest spark in the box. Like I give a damn whether the Ministry introduce a Muggleborn registration or not. As far as I'm concerned, I'd welcome the idea."

I couldn't stand to look at him. "You're disgusting. And you're a spy. You've fooled everyone."

"Hmm, yes I have." He said proudly. "And now I get to receive my prize."

He didn't give me time to protest, to even push him away. Instead he closed the distance, pressing his lips to mine.

I squirmed. It was horrible. It was wet and rough, and nothing like kissing Sirius. It made me feel sick. My shock dissolved quickly and my hands collided with his chest, pushing hard. But he wouldn't budge. Instead, his arms tightened around me and the table dug harder into my back as he pushed against me.

I did the only thing I could think of to try and stop him, biting down on his lip as hard as I could. It was enough to make him pull away, anger in his eyes, but it was for barely a second. "You'll pay for that, bitch."

So I pushed harder as he attempted to close the distance again.

"You want this, just admit it. You've been giving me looks since I got here. Besides, I doubt Sirius will want you back when he hears about how his girlfriend couldn't keep his hands off of me."

I visibly winched at the thought. He smelt disgusting, his aftershave was overwhelming and his skin was rough, horrible against mine as he dragged his lips down my throat.

As his hands slipped lower, I took my chance and clawed my hands at his skin, digging my nails into his neck and feeling relieved when he finally drew back to press a hand to his neck, a scowl on his face and rage in his eyes.

"You, you…made me bleed."

I might have felt a smidge of satisfaction if it wasn't for how much I was shaking all over. Still, my voice at least sounded sturdier than I felt. "Good. That's the least you deserve."

He growled, pacing forwards determinedly. I automatically flinched, forcing back a scream and waiting for the blow…but it never came.

I opened one eye…then the other. _Oh god no_. Instantly, I pulled at my skirt from where it had risen slightly with shaking hands and dropped my eyes quickly.

Sirius and Tonks had just walked through the doorway.

"Well, you've put up a good act, I'll give you that." I heard Tonks snort, and I saw her cross her arms from under my eyelashes. And Sirius's feet move forwards—

"Sirius, no—"

By the time I looked up, Sirius had already propelled forwards, his hands fisted against the front of his shirt. . "Attack women a lot, do you?"

Ollie's expression hadn't changed. He looked calm, though I wondered how much of that was an act. His voice was hollow, even, as he replied. "You tell me. Annabelle wanted me just as much—"

"I suppose that'll be how you got the cut on your neck, right? If she was just so into it."

Ollie's eyes seemed to harden at that, though he shrugged it off. "Well clearly she likes to get kinky."

"Stop it!" Tonks exclaimed as Sirius shoved Ollie back against the wall. Her eyes were just as wide as mine as she stepped towards his side. "He'scum, the worst kind, but he's not worth it. Besides, this is probably what he wants! You heard what he said."

Ollie expression suddenly changed, a glint in his eyes. "You should listen to her, you know. Though, they always say the truth hurts. And what do oyou really expect with what she wears. She was practically asking for it—"

"Sirius!" I stepped forwards then, grabbing hold of his arm and pulling him back slightly as he instantly reacted. Tonks was right. He wasn't worth it. "Tonks is right. He's scum, nothing more."

"You wasn't saying that the other day, sweetheart—"

Sirius growled, stepping forwards quickly enough to at least make Ollie flinch. I winched as he spoke, his voice quaking with anger. "Say one more word about her, I dare you! It will be the last thing you do!"

Tonks groaned, grabbing hold of Ollie's shirt and shoving im away from Sirius. "Just go! Don't you think you've caused enough trouble?"

Ollie shrugged, barely looking at me as he grabbed for his coat. "Fine. My work's done here anyway."

"It goes without saying," Sirius started quietly, his voice a little more sturdier. He'd turned to watch Ollie stood by the doorway and fury was in his eyes. "That if you ever come here again, I'll make sure it will be the last thing you do."

I shivered a little, dropping my eyes quickly. I didn't need to see Ollie leave. Just looking at him made me feel physically ill. God, I'd been such an idiot.

The slam of the door moments later had me winching. Then, Mrs Black portrait began to wail loudly, complaining of being disturbed.

Tonks sighed heavily. "I'll go—"

"No." Sirius said strongly. "No, I'll…go. It won't take a second."

His feet disappeared out into the hallway and seconds later, Tonks's feet bundled forwards. I swallowed heavily as she wrapped her arms around me.

"He was an absolute prat."

I snorted in mild amusement. I didn't dare say out-loud how that's exactly what I thought I was. It had been me who'd trusted him, who'd spent all those hours trying to be a friend to him, to try and help him feel more comfortable in the order. I'd never suspected this, not for a moment.

She stepped away, worry in her eyes and I dropped my eyes quickly. "Are you alright? Stupid question really, I know."

I forced a nod, about to tell her that I was fine and that maybe I should go home for the evening, but I didn't get the chance. There was a popping noise and then—

"Is something the matter? Kreacher heard shouting and the slamming of the door. Then he heard Mistress shouting too, so he knew something had to be wrong. I same as soon as I could, but it was a mess in master Regulus's bedroom. I was polishing some silverware and—"

"Yes, yes, Kreacher, it's fine." Sirius said in an exasperated sort of tone as he headed through the doorway to greet Kreacher, who was stood waiting by the side of the room. "Annabelle's had a bit of a shock. Could you make a pot of tea please?"

"Oh Kreacher, honestly it's—"

"Kreacher will get straight to it, master." Kreacher said quickly, bowing once, and then disapparatng again.

Then it was silent. And horrible. I knew I should just leave. They were bound to blame me for this. I trusted too easily.

"Well, at least he wont come back." Tonks said quietly. She sounded shocked as she pressed a hand to my shoulder, squeezing comfortingly. "Sirius saw to that."

"He;d be a fool to try." Sirius agreed. "But I have a feeling you're right. Spies like him are normally the coardly sort."

Tonks nodded in agreement and I bit my lip, forcing myself not to say anything. I was sure I'd only make things even worst, if that was even possible.

We'd been betrayed, yet again, and I was to blame.

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	10. Annabelle's POV- Seeing Sense

**There are some interesting aspects of Tonks's storyline coming up soon. And we'll finally get to hear from Remus! :) Let me know what you think of this chapter though first please. This particular storyline is drawing to a close and I wanted to know how I was doing. :)**

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I didn't leave the house for a week after that. I was being a coward, but I felt awful. Others might have insisted it wasn't my fault but then they were bound to say that. It gave me time to think about what Ollie said too. If that was even his name. Had I lead him on? It wasn't like I hadn't done that before.

I threw myself at Sirius. Bill too, and that was only to make Sirius jealous. I'd never been good at keeping relationships professional. I'd dated at least half the men in my department. And it wasn't like I'd never been called easy before. Merlin, even Sirius had said it, even if it had been in a temper. But this was different. I'd assumed I'd made my feelings clear with Ollie.

Tonks had things to deal with too. It wouldn't be fair if I kept running to her.

I could barely eat or sleep. I felt as though everyone at work was looking at me. It didn't help that they were still gossiping about my relationship with Sirius.

Tonks didn't give up though. She called round most days asking why I'd been avoiding her. She'd clearly seen me arriving and leaving. I knew it was wrong, but I was convinced she didn't need me.

Sirius tried too, a few days later. I knew it was him. I looked through the spy-hole. He knocked again and I sighed heavily. Why wasn't he giving up? I would if I was him.

"I know you're there. Tonks saw you leaving work ten minutes ago."

I rolled my eyes. That didn't necessarily mean I'd come back to my flat.

"Then she followed you back here and sent me a patronus."

"Are you having me stalked now?" I snorted. I spoke without thinking. It wasn't like I hadn't missed them.

He smiled a little, clearly sensing victory. "You call it stalking, I call it friendly concern. What's the difference really?"

This time I didn't reply and he sighed heavily. "Are you going to let me in or not? Only I'd really rather prefer it if we were actually able to talk like civilised adults, rather than having a door wedged between us."

He didn't have his key anymore. He'd left it on the hallway after the argument which lead to our break-up.

I stayed silent again, debating on what would happen if I refused to let him in. He looked good, and I couldn't help but think that that meant he clearly hadn't missed me.

"Or I could just keep standing here, in your nice Muggle neighbourhood, with all your Muggle friends and flatmates able to hear everything I'm saying—"

That did the trick.

He was grinning as soon as I'd opened the door. "Once a Marauder, always a—"

But he paused, his eyes widening as he looked me up and down. I dropped my gaze, biting down hard on my lip as I held the door open further. "You coming in or what?"

"Blimey. Did someone die or something?"

I glanced back up, glowering obviously. I was wearing a baggy grey jumper with leggings. It wasn't my usual go to clothing and I certainly didn't need fashion advice from Sirius Black of all people.

"Last chance, Black. In or out."

He raised an eyebrow as he carefully put one foot in front of the other. "I see you're in a good mood."

I didn't reply as I shut the door. Instead, I turned back, watching him walk through the hallway slowly. "I'd say why I'm here, but I have a feeling you already know."

I followed him into the living room, where he turned back to stare at me expectantly. "Given you've continued to ignore both me and Dora over the last week."

I swallowed back my guilt, heading towards the kitchen instead and flicking on the kettle.

"So are you actually planning on re-joining the order anytime soon?"

I shrugged half-heartedly. "Not if I can help it."

"Why not?"

"I don't honestly believe my presence is needed."

Then you're an idiot."

I glanced up at the harshness of his words. He was stood by the edge of the kitchen, staring at me closely, his expression unreadable. I turned back to grab two cups from the cupboard.

"You've every right to be angry with me."

"You're damn right I do." He said evenly. "You just upped and left without a word. You've not even spoken to Kingsley or Dumbledore about this—"

"I will eventually. I'm sure they'll understand."

"I disagree. I think they'll share my opinion. That you've quit when we need you most, just like a coward would."

That hurt. I was a proud Gryffindor and he knew it.

"How can you stand there and call me a coward?" I said quietly, my hands gripping the kitchen counter, stopping myself from turning. "Especially after Ollie. I left because I thought it was right. It's not like I had much impact."

"You've been through a lot, nobody's denying that. But you already know that Ollie's gone for good. Kinglsey reckons he's on the run. Apparently, he's had his fair share of breaking the law since quitting his job. But you can get past this. Merlin knows he's not worth it. I thought you were stronger than that."

I took a deep breath, pouring in the coffee to both cups. "I am."

"Well you're not exactly proving it, are you?" He said quickly. "And as for you not making an impact…that's the stupidest thing I've heard. We're all there to make a difference, and the way things are going, if even one person quits, it's more noticeable than ever. There's barely any of us left. And besides, everyone loves you Annabelle—"

"Oh please—"

"They do. Molly hasn't stopped asking for you, and Arthur. Kingsley saw you at work the other day and he even asked Tonks if you were alright. Merlin, even Mad-Eye of all people said that it would be a shame if you were to leave. And you know as well as most that the man isn't one for dishing out the compliments."

I put a teaspoon of sugar in both cups and took a moment to think that over. "Maybe you caught Mad-Eye on a good day."

"You don't really believe that? Have you ever seen Mad-Eye on a good day, one where he's says things like that? Yes, he compliments Dora, because he so often does, but that in itself is a rarity."

I shook my head as I poured the hot water into the cups. "So I should come back because Mad-Eye finally has a good word to say about me?"

"No, you should come back because despite what you might believe, you do make a difference to the order."

I forced a nod as I reached for the milk in the fridge. Only to the order though.

"If people miss me, it's not like I have to disappear. I can always pop round the Weasley's next week or something, explain the situation, and I can see Kingsley at work—"

"But you don't get it, do you? Of course people miss you, but we also need you back. You can't be quit something you so obviously enjoy, just because of one lowlife. I thought you were made of stronger stuff than that, Annabelle? But like I said, it seems you've proven me wrong—"

"How dare you!" I suddenly exclaimed, settling back down the pint of milk onto the counter. I glowered fiercely at the kettle as I spoke. "Like it's so easy. Don't get me wrong, I'm used to being made a joke. I'm the office bike. Practically everyone's had a go at some stage—"

I could practically hear him winching as he interrupted. "Annabelle, seriously—"

"You know it's true. I just don't think I'd be comfortable, going back there, knowing that yet again it was my fault. I'd trusted him enough to want to help him, to want to be around if it ever got too much—"

"Yes, because you're a good person. Being trusting in nature doesn't make things your fault. It just means you care. And you've not even given things a chance. You haven't been back since it happened. "

I shook my head though, giving both cups a stir. "I do care. But I just don't feel ready to come back."

"I'm just saying that you're stronger than you realise. Look at how you wanted to quit last year, after Halloween—"

"That was different." I snapped.

"Yes, yes, it was." Sirius said. "But you still came back. Even after us, you came back. I just think that it would be ridicolous to not at least give things a try—"

"Look, I won't change my mind." I interrupted again, picking up the cups of coffee and sweeping past him quickly. If I looked at him, I'd do exactly that. "So if you've come round to try and make me feel guilty enough to come back, you might as well leave."

"Fine," he sighed from behind me. "I won't say another thing about it."

"Good."

I settled down the cups of coffee on my living room table and sat on the sofa.

"I seem to have forgotten just how stubborn you can be." Sirius commented with a small smile as he settled himself down beside me. "It's something I feel we probably have in common."

"You can say that again." I snorted, remembering all the arguments Sirius and I had had over the past year. We were too alike at times.

"I'm sorry, by the way."

My head snapped up in surprise. Sirius was staring the other way, his eyes distant. But his cheeks were a little pink.

"I wasn't exactly understanding about your friendship with Ollie. He was new and to tell you the truth…I was jealous. Of course I was concerned too, about you being stationed outside the Lestrange's." He said. "I just think that maybe…well, we haven't been speaking that much, and If I'd have at least tried to be your friend, then I might have seen…I might have guessed what Ollie was capable of."

"If I couldn't have guessed, you certainly wouldn't have. You did nothing wrong, Sirius."

"Yes, well even still. I keep going over what he said. About his work being done or whatever rubbish he said."

I tensed in response. I'd hoped he'd forgotten about that.

"Tonks mentioned something about Ollie being interested in me, well in our relationship anyway. What did he want to know exactly?"

"Just silly things, like whether we'll get back together again." I said carefully, reaching out to grab my cup for something to do.

"Why, would he care about that though? He must have fancied you, in his own perverted way."

I sighed heavily. I had to be honest. "I don't think he fancied me at all. I don't think that was the point of him asking those sorts of questions."

Now, Sirius looked even more confused. "Then…what was? Yes, he was a spy but why ask questions like that?"

I sipped on my coffee, reluctantly setting it back down again. "I think he was working for Bellatrix."

"Why would you think that?" Sirius frowned.

"Well, he mentioned a _she_. He said she didn't understand why she was so interested and that she asked him to watch me, ask questions about me and you, and basically destroy the chance of us rekindling things. Then he called me a mudblood and I started to work it out for myself. He'd lied about who he was and from that I guess he was a spy. Then I realised that there was only one person who would care that much about us being together."

I paused, letting that sink in. Sirius looked decidedly paler. "And that would be her, of course."

"Exactly."

He sighed, as though guessing my expression, holding his hands out in the space between us. "But this isn't your fault, Annabelle. This is the wake-up call we all need. We need to be more careful around anyone new until we know for certain that we can trust them. Let's face it, Ollie played the part brilliantly."

I nodded again. "I suppose he did."

"It could have happened to any of us."

"I didn't tell him much, in all fairness." I said quickly. He needed to know that, at least. "When he started asking more direct questions about us and our break-up, I just said that I didn't want to talk about it."

"Well, there you go, you see. You couldn't have done anything more."

I forced another nod.

"Bellatrix is still on the run. She, along with the rest would have likely found another way to worm their way in anyway. But we have our own spies. Remus, for one. And—" he rolled his eyes. "—Snape for another. Though how reliable his alliance is, remains to be seen. Dumbledore might be fooled, but I'm certainly not."

Speaking of which. "Does anyone know? About…why I left, I mean?"

"Of course not." Sirius insisted quickly. "Dumbledore knows most of it. Mainly that Ollie was a spy and that he used you to try to find out information. He also knows that he didn't get anywhere. But Dumbledore's practically the epiphany of discreetness. He might as well go along and add that to the long list of middle names of his."

I smiled a little at that. That was one good thing.

"But you know, I'm not giving up on you returning. I'm just being patient."

I rolled my eyes in response. "How did I know you were going to say that sooner or later?"

"Probably because you know I'm as stubborn as you? Dora was saying that you haven't exactly been very subtle at avoiding her."

I raised an eyebrow but avoided his eyes as I reached for my coffee again. "Did she now?"

"Are you surprised? She said you've been practically running off in the other direction every time she sees you."

I shrugged as I sipped on my coffee. "I may have, once or twice."

"But that's ridiculous. You need your friends, Annabelle. Dora's worried too, you know. She's got it into her head that you might somehow blame her for what happened."

I looked straight at him, as if to say _now who's being ridiculous_.

"Well what do you expect her to think when you act like that every time you see her?"

"I just didn't want her to pity me, that's all."

"Well she doesn't. She thinks she's been too focused on looking out for Remus. You know as well as I do that she visits Dumbledore almost daily. Only now, she thinks that she should have guessed what Ollie was like."

"Like I said, I couldn't even see it."

But I could almost understand. I'd thought I was doing the right thing. It should have been me being there for her.

"Oh Tonks."

"Don't think I haven't tried telling her that she's got nothing to feel guilty about. Someone needs to look out for Remus and Dora's not the sort to give up. He clearly expects her to though."

"Yes well even still, she's stronger than me. And she has you. She'll be fine."

"You're wrong." He disagreed quickly. "The only difference between you and her is that she hasn't given up. I doubt she ever will, on the order, or Remus. We've known her long enough to know that."

I swallowed heavily, forcing out my next words. "Have you given up on me then?"

"No."

I bit my lip, forcing away a smile.

"Why, have you given up on me?"

I snickered, ignoring his gaze as I continued sipping my coffee. Like that wasn't an easy question. "No."

"Good to know."

His tone was confident and it made me look back at him. He was practically smirking. I rolled my eyes and looked away again quickly. He didn't need another reason to inflate his ego.

"I'm sorry too…about what happened between us."

And as quick as that, his smirk was gone. "That wasn't your fault either."

"Maybe not, but I wasn't very positive about the baby. And before I could get used it, it was gone and that was it. I didn't even give it a chance."

"But you did." He said, turning back to look at me again, his expression soft. "You gave it a chance when you promised to give things a go. These things happen, the Doctor said as much, didn't he?"

"Yes, but—"

"As gutted as I was, I've realised that he was right. Sometimes there isn't any blame to place. So stop berating yourself about what you can't control."

"What about what he said? Ollie I mean, about the way I dress—"

"Complete and utter nonsense, obviously. And I'm sure you've heard it all before from some other loser, right?"

I nodded. "You could say that."

"Right then. Ollie saying that you lead him on because of what you wear, is like someone stealing your wallet from your hands and saying it was your fault, because you had it out anyway. He was trying to make himself feel better about what he'd done. And most likely, to make you feel like utter rubbish in the process."

"He probably succeeded in both areas."

"Then don't let him. Otherwise he wins. You should be able to wear what you bloody well want, without a git like that making you feel like it was your fault."

I forced a nod. He was right. He wasn't worth letting myself feel like this.

"And just so you know, those couple of days after we chose to keep the baby were the happiest I'd seen you." He said, his voice sturdy. "That has to tell you something, even if you choose not to believe it. It's no good thinking like you should have done something, because the guilt will end up tearing you apart."

He said that like he knew. But of course he did. I glanced his way from the corner of my eyes, curiously.

"You speak from experience, because of what happened with Peter, right? You feel like you could have done something?"

"That's certainly one aspect of it." He said quietly, taking another sip of his coffee. "Not to mention how I suspected Remus for as long as I did. I can barely understand how he managed to forgive me."

"You made a mistake. You should take your own advice."

He nodded a little. "Perhaps I should."

"So looking back, do you see things with a clearer head?"

He shrugged. "I guess I remember things, little signs that thing weren't right. Peter was distant for at least a month before. I'd convinced myself it was because he was just as frightened, rather than that he was part of our friends murders. Everything was falling apart, more and more people were dying. Peter's father had been killed a few weeks before. We were fools."

"Who could have guessed that? I'm sure Remus couldn't have."

"No, he blamed me." He said with a snort. "Not that you can blame him. I was horrible to him in those last weeks. What else could he have thought when he'd heard of my arrest? Even Andromeda thought me guilty." He sighed heavily. "But if I couldn't have worked out what Peter was up to, having known him for ten years, then you couldn't have guessed about Ollie. My point is that this doesn't have to defeat you, not if you don't want it to."

I smiled a little at his advice. "When did you get so smart?"

"Perhaps I've been with you for too long. Didn't you always say that?" He paused for a second, before adding; "As for us…we're still on good terms, I can promise you that, Annabelle. I wouldn't be here if we weren't."

He looked across at me, catching my slight smile. "Right. So are you going to finally see sense and re-join?"

"No."

"Merlin's sake, Annabelle. Why the hell not?" He groaned loudly, slouching back against the sofa and looking as exhausted by this conversation as I was.

"Because, whether you're right or wrong, I just…I don't know if it would feel right going back."

"Then give it a chance. You might not think you've done much, but you already know how impressed Mad-Eye is. And Dumbledore was only saying the other week about how much time you've taken out to help us. Even Arthur has said that some of the missions we'd done would never have been arranged without you as our spy in the Ministry. I mean, I could quite easily go on, the list is endless."

"Yeah right."

"Remus then, too. He even admitted how much he underestimated you in the beginning. And I have to say, Remus isn't easily impressed by anyone."

I smiled despite myself at that. "I don't think I deserve that, not after how much I berated him for walking away from Tonks so easily."

"Oh please. Everyone else shares that same bloody opinion. Remus knows we're all right. It's just difficult for him to admit that, particularly with everything going on. He'll get there eventually though."

I nodded in response. That was more than understandable.

"How is he anyway? Have you heard from him lately?"

Only to say that he was doing okay and he wouldn't be able to write for a while. I have a feeling Greyback's getting suspicious about there being a spy in the camp."

I felt my eyes widen. "But then surely Dumbledore must realise that Remus should be out of there as soon as possible. His life would be in—"

"In risk, I know." Sirius sighed heavily.

And it was as he frowned that I realised just how worried Sirius looked. "He'll be home soon. It's Christmas in a few weeks."

"That's something at least."

"I meant what I said." Sirius insisted after a pause, his eyes finding mine. "Everyone misses you. I…miss you."

I bit back a smile. When he looked at me like that, I didn't think I could have said no to anything. "Fine. I'll give it a go."

Sirius practically grinned. "Good choice."

Sirius met me at my flat before the order meeting. I think it was his way of making sure I couldn't find an excuse. I did appreciate the support though, even if I did roll my eyes when I opened the door to him.

I threw my bag onto the sofa and went to get changed in my room. He'd only moan if I continued to let what happened dictate to what I wore. I chose a grey, long sleeved jumper, denim skirt and ankle boots. It was a start.

Sirius was sat on the sofa when I returned, looking at a picture on the table besides him. But then his eyes found mine and he smiled in approval as he saw what I was wearing. I bit my lip, feeling myself flush a little.

"That's better. You've always suited a mini skirt, Clements."

I pretended to glower as he caught my eye and winked. "Yes well, never mind that. I'm ready to leave, if you are."

He chuckled deeply, before nodding at the picture. It was of me, Aunt Rebecca and Uncle Toby. I was perched in between, holding their hands and laughing along with them.

"You were quite cute as a child; with your blonde curls, and big, innocent eyes. I wonder where it went wrong."

"I'm sorry—is this supposed to be encouraging me to step out the door, only, all it's doing is heightening the urge to punch you."

"Well, can't we tell you're back to your cheerful, feisty self?"

He stepped around me in the hallway, ignoring me glaring, and continued to grin instead. I was starting to question why I'd ever missed him.

"Motivation aside, you see a little more eager about this than you were yesterday."

I shrugged as I moved to grab my coat. "Because you were right. The sooner I get this out of the way, the better."

"I didn't quite hear that. I was what?"

I reponded to his teasing by elbowing him in the ribs, hard. To which he complained several times.

"I was just asking! I have to take these opportunities whilst I can. It's not often that I hear that from you, Dora Remus. Or even the majority of the order for that matter."

"Maybe that's because it doesn't happen very often." I replied quickly.

He was practically grinning and I could guess why. I was behaving more like myself. Sirius had been right. I couldn't let this overwhelm me. The order was more important. We apparated quickly, finding ourselves in the entrance of Grimmauld Place.

He smiled, glancing back at me. "Bet you've missed this place."

"I wouldn't go that far. I certainly haven't missed your mother's portrait for a start."

"Nobody does." He snorted as I stepped away, hanging up my coat. "Dora will be pleased to see you."

I frowned a little. "I don't think I deserve that."

But his smile was confident as we quietly moved past his mother's portrait, which seemed to be quiet for now. "Don't be silly. She missed you."

I didn't get a chance to reply as we headed into the dining room together.

Molly, Arthur, Kingsley and Mad-Eye were already here. Molly was setting aside a couple of jugs of butterbeer and orange juice on the table. Arthur was getting glasses for everyone and Mad-Eye was talking to Kingsley at the side of the room. I smiled nervously as they noticed me, dropping down my bag into the nearest chair.

"Oh Annabelle!"

I forced another smile as Molly beamed, settling aside the last jug and heading over to my side. She suddenly wrapped her arms around me and I had a feeling my expression gave away my surprise, as Sirius ducked his head and pursed his lips to stop a smile. Luckily she pulled back quickly, a smile on her face. "It's nice to see you again, Annabelle. How are you feeling?"

"Err…yeah, not bad. Glad to be back."

She continued to beam at my words, patting me softly on my arms. "Good to hear it. Are you staying around for something to eat afterwards?"

"Only if it's not too much trouble."

"Oh nonsense of course it's no!" She instantly insisted. "Between you and me, Kreacher's prepared most of it. I only managed to talk him into letting me cut the potatoes for the leek and potato soup."

"Blimey. He hasn't poisoned it, has he?"

That time Sirius did laugh, his cheerful loud bark, and I grinned instantly as I moved towards the table, taking a seat beside him automatically.

"Well I'm still alive." Sirius managed a moment later. "I have a feeling that if he still wanted to kill me, he would have gotten on with it by now. In fact, I even heard him whistling to himself the other day whilst he was polishing in the drawing room. I thought I'd gone mad at first."

"To be fair that is still debatable." I teased enjoying his snort of amusement in response. "Then again, are you sure he wasn't just mumbling a curse under his breath?"

"Well put it this way, I'm not dead yet, so I'll take my chance." Sirius grinned.

Tonks arrived next. I knew, because we heard her first. The sound of her feet stomping against the floor then a bang. Molly winched in response.

"Bloody hell!" She moaned loudly after a following crash told me the vase had fallen from the hallway table. "Oh you can shut up too!" She grumbled as Mrs Black's portrait started wailing about mudbloods wrecking her house.

Sirius prepared to stand with a sigh but Molly waved a hand. "I'll sort it."

"Thanks Molly." Then he sat back down, sharing a grin with me. "Kreacher's going to have a fit. That was the mother's favourite vase."

"Oh, I'm sorry! You know what I'm like by—"

I turned to see she'd paused by the doorway, her eyes wide as she looked at me. Her brown hair was messy, coat thrown on as though she'd shoved it on in a hurry from work. Her purple Weird Sisters top was creased too. She looked exhausted actually and automatically, I stood, feeling guiltier than I had half an hour ago.

I hadn't spent as much time with her as I should have. She needed friends more than anyone. She was just too kind to ask.

"I know I need to apologize for the way I've been lately, but the thing is—"

I stopped as she crossed the room in one stride and wrapped her arms around me. Another reaction I wasn't quite reacting. I was relieved that she wasn't angry. I deserved it.

"I understand, Annabelle. You don't have to explain."

Knowing her, she'd probably already guessed that this wasn't something I wanted to talk about, not here. Tonks was more observant than me. She was also very understanding.

I wanted to ask how she really was and if she'd heard from Remus, spend a bit of time talking about her problems, but it wasn't the right time. I was worried though and not just for her. It would be a relief when Christmas was finally here.

There'd been an attack in Scotland, thirty miles from Hogwarts. Death eaters were likely to be behind it and Dumbledore thought there was a chance they were still in the area, particularly after sightings of Lestrange, Lucius Malfoy and the Carrow twins. There was an abandoned cottage just a few hundred yards from the house they'd been seen at and it required two volunteers who would be stationed overnight.

Sirius was the first to volunteer.

He stood quickly. "I'd like to go. It's near Hogwarts, so near to Harry. I'm able to help out more with the order too and I'd like to be able to do more missions."

He was right. Tonks, Kingsley and a few other aurors were still stationed in Hogwarts. They also had jobs at the Ministry. Mad-Eye was already doing a couple of other missions for the order. So I put my hand up to volunteer too. I'd done overnight missions before and this was my chance to get back into doing my bit.

"There are more and more attacks by Death Eaters and I want to do more. I've had the same training as Tonks and Kingsley and I've been on overnight missions before too."

Dumbledore nodded. There was a twinkle in his eye as he smiled in my direction. "Thank you both for volunteering. I'm sure you'll be more than capable to handle this mission together. I'll leave it to you to talk through the details."

So it was decided. Despite my reservations, I'd been right to re-join. This war was too important not to give up.

[-]


	11. Annabelle's POV- Reckless

**Next chapter will be in Tonks's perspective. :)**

* * *

I managed to catch up with Tonks and Sirius after the meeting. I was careful about what I asked though. Tonks's expression seemed to dampen every time Remus's name was mentioned. Perhaps when he came home things could be different. At least, I hoped so. For both their sakes.

Things went back to normal fairly quickly. Work was…work. Things remained the same there. More and more disappearances happened each day. Not that you'd know about it, if you read the Daily Prophet.

The only good thing was the order. Everyone was there to try and make a difference, even with how depressing things had been lately. The weather didn't help. It had been freezing, and it had been snowing every day. It seemed dementors was the likely cause of the weather.

Everyone had been busy and stressed too—Tonks and Sirius especially. There was still no word about Remus, at least not according to Dumbledore. I understood the fragility to the case, but it was frustrating for everyone, not knowing if he was okay. Tonks was right; the werewolves he was living around were nothing like him. And Greyback was lethal. If he was pack leader, I doubted Remus's presence was going to sway their loyalty.

I was looking forward to our mission. I wanted to feel like I was doing my part.

Though, I couldn't lie and say it wasn't for selfish reasons too. This mission would mean a whole night with just Sirius. We'd not exactly had a chance to talk since I'd come back and I wanted to take a chance, to see for myself if he felt the same way still. I'd never been that good when it came to avoiding my feelings, particularly around Sirius.

And so, I found myself traipsing through my wardrobe, desperately searching for something that was not only suitable for the mission, but would look good too. Eventually, I settled on a multi-coloured crop jumper, black jeans, boots and a fleecy green jacket. It was colder than usual and I decided that it shouldn't matter what I wore.

We agreed to meet at headquarters. I paced through the hallway and moved straight towards the dining room. Sirius seemed a little preoccupied though.

I paused by the doorway. He was stood beside the table, talking to someone I didn't recognize. The woman opposite him had shoulder-length mahogany curls. She was pale and slim in a fifties red sundress, which fit her a little too well. All of a sudden, I felt a little drab, which was definitely a new sensation. I stepped a little further away from the doorway, enough so that I was still able to see them. I was curious.

"It's great to see you again, Charlotte." Sirius said, his voice warm, friendly, as he pressed a hand to her arm.

"It's great to see you too, of course! She replied enthusiastically, in a lingering London accent. Her voice reminded me of silk. "But you know I never really left, not really. Truth be told, I was always hoping for a call back from you."

He chuckled quietly as he dropped his hand and I raised an eyebrow. Whoever she was, they seemed close. Presumably, she had been a part of the first order.

"Unfortunately Azkaban doesn't have a very good telephone reception."

She laughed loudly and I frowned in response. It was like listening to Jane.

"You've always had a wicked sense of humour, Siri." She cooed and I pulled a face in response.

 _Siri_? Not even Remus called him that and he'd known him since he was eleven. Padfoot I understood, but Siri, seriously?

That was the least of my worries. She must have been an ex, or at least fancied him. I wasn't sure which was worst.

"It must have been an awful time for you." She said sympathetically. "Though, I will admit that I was surprised. When I heard you'd been arrested, I felt sure you would have wiggled your way out of Azkaban in no time. You always had the gift of the gab."

Was she saying she thought he was innocent the whole time? It seemed ironic how she was saying it now, rather than when he would have needed that support most.

"Yes well unfortunately my charm didn't quite seem to stretch as far as the dementors." He teased back, though his smile seemed a little forced. His smile dropped completely as I finally headed through the doorway. "Annabelle, you're finally here."

I frowned in response. I was early. Had he been waiting then? Certainly didn't look that way.

The girl looked back, woman actually. She was older than me, though it was difficult to tell how much, maybe early thirties. Her eyes were bright blue and they crinkled at the side when she smiled at me.

"Hey there, Annabelle. Are you part of this new order?"

My stomach dropped. She didn't know who I was. But what did I expect? I was part of the order, but I wasn't with Sirius anymore. He had no reason to mention me. I forced a smile, noticing the way Sirius's gaze dropped.

"Yes I am. Without meaning to sound rude, who are you? It's just that I've never seen you here before."

"Well that's because I was too busy tanning it up in Italy." She confessed with a massive grin.

I raised my eyebrows as I gave her a look over. She didn't really look like she'd been 'tanning it up'. "That's nice."

"I know, I know, I'm as pale as a vampire, but it's one of the downsides to being a natural redhead." She laughed, as though guessing my thoughts. "Anyway, I was part of the first order."

Then she turned back to Sirius, a twinkle in her eyes as she glanced him over. "You could say that me and this one go way back."

Oh. So I was right. Ex it was. Though, Sirius's smile seemed a little static.

"Where's Remus when he's at home anyway?" She suddenly asked, glancing around the room.

"Oh he's on a mission for the order, been really busy lately. But he should be back for Christmas."

She raised her eyebrows. "Christmas? God, he must be busy! Well hopefully, I'll still be around to see him. It would be nice to catch up."

"Yeah, I'm sure he'd like to see you too."

She smiled. "I'm sure he'd much prefer to see Leona though."

Sirius laughed shortly, dropping his eyes again.

Charlotte turned towards me with a smile. "My friend used to fancy the pants off of him."

"Did she now?" I couldn't help but raise my eyebrows, turning automatically to look at Sirius. He shrugged it off easily enough but Charlotte seemed quick to explain more.

"Oh absolutely. Remus was quite the catch, would you believe? But she was always too shy to pluck up the courage to ask him out. Truth be told, I think that might have been Remus's problem too."

I pursed my lips to stop myself from speaking. She seemed to know a lot. Or at least, thought she did. Before I could ask, she was already talking, looking down at my outfit. "Jazzy jumper. You going somewhere after this?"

I was saved replying by Sirius, who automatically stood straighter.

"Yes actually. We've got a mission to do; which reminds me, we should probably get going." He turned to smile at Charlotte. "Mad-Eye will have our heads if we don't apparate within the next thirty seconds."

She rolled her eyes. "Oh I've missed Mad-Eye! I'm guessing he's the same as ever then."

"Yep, you'll see as much for yourself in…" he looked at his watch and shrugged in response. "Oh, ten minutes. He's always here exactly when the meetings supposed to start. You alright to wait on your own?"

"Oh sure, sweetie!" She said with a wave of her hand. "As long as you promise we can have a proper catch-up tomorrow afternoon?"

Sirius hesitated, caught the hopeful look in her eyes and nodded. "Sure, I'd love to. See you tomorrow."

He seemed in a rush to leave as he headed through the doorway and through the hallway and I followed automatically. As only he knew the address, I took his arm just before we side-apparated.

It was a contrast to being in headquarters half a second ago. We were in the middle of nowhere, with just a few houses scattered. The wind howled relentlessly, whipping my hair about my face and making me regret not putting it back into a ponytail when I had the chance. We'd arrived just outside the town of Perth.

I dropped my hand from his arm, walking forwards a couple of steps. "There's the cottage."

It wasn't hard to miss. It was tiny compared to the other couple of houses. It was a square, white thing, with a couple of windows on both levels.

"So Mad-Eye wasn't exaggerating. It really is small."

I shrugged in response. At least it was just for tonight.

Luckily, it was like a virtual tardis, presumably the work of Mad-Eye's extension charms. It was big enough to fit a combined kitchen and dining room, a living room, and one small double bedroom upstairs. It was the only room upstairs and where the vantage point was.

Sirius seemed as flushed as me.

"Well at least there's a bed, should either of us need to take a break."

I nodded, settling down my bag at the side of the room.

"Not that it bothers me. I'm more than happy to keep watch if you wanted to take a nap at any point—"

"I'm fine. I came here to work, nothing else."

Sirius looked taken aback at my tone and I dropped my gaze quickly. I hadn't meant it to come out like that, but I knew why it had. I was jealous.

"Right."

We stayed silent as we both settled down besides the window. Sirius grabbed for the binoculars from the rucksack Mad-Eye had insisted we take.

"You seemed eager to leave."

It was like I couldn't help myself. It was easier with him looking away. He didn't sound surprised though.

"To tell you the truth, I was a bit." He said. "Charlotte's lovely once you get to know her. We've been friends a long time, she used to go to Hogwarts. But she can be a little…intense at times. I probably wouldn't have cared fifteen years ago—"

"No you probably wouldn't have." I huffed, snatching the binoculars from him. "Though it's funny. You didn't seem that botheredback at Grimmauld Place."

"I was being polite. If she thought that I was genuinely flirting back, she'd have already snogged me before we left."

"Well, isn't she delightful?"

"She's just upfront about how she feels." He said. I noticed how that sounded like a gibe. "She was close with James and Lily. In fact, she became friends with Lily in first year. That's one of the main reasons she left." He shrugged, pausing for a moment. "She was a good friend, which was why I was pleased to see her. Not because of anything else."

As usual, I'd gotten the wrong end of the stick. I sighed heavily, swallowing back my guilt.

Of course seeing Charlotte was bound to cheer Sirius up, especially if she'd been close with Lily and James. She was probably a reminder of his friends and all the good times they'd shared.

"That's understandable." I said softly, trying to make up for my mistake. "It sounds like Lily had a lot of friends at school."

"Oh she did, and not just at school. That's hardly surprising though. She was kind, fiercely loyal, and was good at sensing the good in people. I guess that's why it took her so long to give up on Snivellus."

I smiled a little. I didn't have much of a chance to speak to Lily, but there'd been something incredibly likeable about her. It made it sadder to think how short her life was. She'd barely managed to experience having her own family. At least with my parents, I'd had seven wonderful years with them. Harry had only had one.

"Sometimes I forget just how many families have been affected by this war. Not just Lily and James, but Neville's parents, my own parents, even Remus being bitten at such a young age. All those lives affected in some way by either Voldemort or his damn followers. It's not right, is it?"

Sirius nodded besides me. "It has to end one day, it _has_ to—maybe not in my lifetime, but at least in Harry's. He's been through enough already in his life."

I nodded in agreement. He was right. Thinking like that was the only thing that kept me going on the bad days. The Ministry was in over its head. They refused to see how bad things were, Voldemort was gaining more and more control through the Ministry insisting that there was nothing to fear.

It was quiet for a while, too quiet, particularly from the house in front of us.

I frowned uneasily. "Is it just me, or do things seem too quiet? I've not seen one person yet. If they were here, or due to meet here, surely we'd have seen someone by now?"

"Impatient, much?" Sirius replied evenly, with a raised brow. "You do have a point though. Perhaps I should patronus Kingsley, see what he thinks."

"Maybe I am a little impatient, but death eaters don't strike me as being all that subtle."

"That's because they're not." He snorted.

It was quiet again and cold too. I shivered, pulling my jacket around me further.

"Are you cold?"

I shrugged automatically. "I'm fine, really. It was just a shiver."

"Here."

I looked round to see that Sirius had already taken his jacket off and was wrapping it around me. I'd never been a very good liar. I smiled, and put my arms in the sleeves, wrapping it further around me. "Thanks."

But then I frowned as I saw what he was wearing. He only had on a grey shirt and trousers. "Won't you get cold? You normally have about three layers on when you're at yours."

"No, I'll be fine. Warm-blooded, me." He teased, throwing in a wink for good measure.

I ducked my head, turning back to the window to hide my smile.

"So, I have to ask." Sirius started, a glint in his eyes as he continued to stare ahead. "Only when we were talking about Charlotte, you almost sounded jealous."

I narrowed my eyes, ignoring the way Sirius had turned back to look at me "Arrogance has never been one of your most flattering features, Sirius."

He chuckled deeply, sounding more than a little amused. "I'm just asking a question. Sue me, I'm curious."

"Don't tempt me." I bit back, which only seemed to make him laugh even more.

"You realise you're only adding fire to the fuel with your tone, right?"

When I ignored him, he chuckled quietly again. "Oh, I'm only joking. Besides, I've already said that I'm not interested in Charlotte. Not anymore."

I nodded and turned back, fighting another smile. "So did she happen to say how long she was planning to stay?"

He rolled his eyes obviously. "Not that you're jealous or anything."

I snorted. "Of course not."

"She didn't." He said. "But it would be nice to spend time with her before she leaves. You can always join us. If you feel you just couldn't miss out."

Maybe I deserved that dig. "No, no. She's your friend. Besides, I reckon you could do with a catch-up if she's been away since the end of the first war."

"Yeah, it has been a while." He agreed softly.

Something warm brushed against my skin and I looked. His hand rested besides mine and there was something comforting about that. Perhaps it was because the motion felt like a sort of reassurance.

I felt utterly useless, sitting back and watching as people came and went. Dumbledore had already made clear that we were strictly to see who attended, but it didn't feel enough.

"Ugh, we should find a way to get in on this meeting. What is the point, sitting back and doing nothing for all of this time?"

He raised his eyebrows. "We're on Dumbledore's orders, you know that."

"I know but if we could at least find out what they were talking about. I mean why didn't we just brew a polyjuice potion? Surely, we could have gotten hold of a strand of hair from one of the many people who work at the Ministry who we pretty much know are death eaters."

"Well, there is some point to it. We need to know who is actually coming to these things. That's a start, at least."

I sighed heavily. "I'd have thought that you of all people would want to be doing more on these missions."

"Of course I do. And perhaps I'd agree if I was with anyone different."

I huffed, settling down the binoculars with a thump. "And what is that supposed to mean? That I'm weak or can't handle this or something. Or that I'm some kind of a hindrance—"

"Oh, don't be ridiculous." He said quickly with a roll of his eyes. "I've already said I don't know how many times that you're just as important to the order as anyone else. It's just that…well, it's more personal with you. And besides, these people are ruthless. Perhaps the last year has taught me to be a little more careful, especially with certain people's lives at risk."

He hurried to pick up the binoculars, his cheeks a little flushed.

I took all that as a good sign. It was only as we stood to leave that I found the courage to do something about it. I gave back his jacket and wrapped my scarf around my neck and offered a small smile.

"Thanks…about what you said before."

He shrugged in response and offered a smile back. "Just being honest."

I took a deep breath, stepping forwards and pressed a kiss to his cheek. It was as his head turned a little in surprise that I decided to just go with it. Everything he'd said…it had all seemed to amount to the same thing.

So before I could think or talk myself out of it, I stepped forwards and pressed my lips to his.

It instantly felt right. There was warmth, so much warmth, and filled me with the same butterflies I'd had when we'd first kissed. My hands wound themselves around his neck, brushing against his hair. He sighed softly, his hands moving to rest against my waist as he pulled me closer and kissed me more firmly. But it stopped almost as soon as it had begun, and his hands at my waist pushed me away, giving us both time to clear our heads.

His breath was harsh as he asked; "What are we doing?"

I felt myself frown at his question. There was no doubt that he'd kissed me back. And his eyes were glassy, reflecting the feeling that had been bubbling up in me. "Getting back together, I presumed—"

His hands were soft against my shoulder as he stopped me from stepping forwards, a careful glint in his eyes now. "And you think that's a good idea?"

I blinked in confusion, hurt tumbling through me like a lead balloon. "Well it doesn't sound like you do, at least."

"I just…" he started, looking conflicted as he bit on his lip for a moment. "There were reasons why we broke up in the first place."

"And you what, think I've somehow forgotten?" I snapped before I could stop myself. I'd unlikely forget; it was one of the worst things I'd ever experienced.

"No, of course not—"

"So what are you saying exactly?"

His eyes were wide as I stepped away from him, a flicker of confusion in his eyes. Though I wasn't sure why. If anything, I should have been the one confused, considering he definitely kissed me back.

"I'm saying that we've only just gotten back to a good place, Annabelle. I just…I don't want to risk ruining that by doing something reckless—"

"Reckless?" I huffed. That really wasn't the best word to use.

He clicked his tongue in frustration. "I didn't mean it like that. I just meant—"

"Look, it's fine. I get it. Save me anymore embarrassment, please."

I apparated before I could say anything more. I was too embarrassed to appreciate Sirius's honesty.

[-]


	12. Tonks's POV- Avoiding Reality

"Please tell me this won't be uncomfortable." Annabelle all but begged as we apparated into the hallway of Grimmauld Place.

I smiled instantly, turning towards her to see that she was still watching me sceptically. "I solemnly swear that this won't be uncomfortable."

She rolled her eyes at my choice of words as she took her coat off. "You're just saying that because you know that Remus will be here."

I purposely avoided her eyes so that she didn't see my smile, as I took my coat off too and followed her in hanging it up on a peg. She might have had a point. I wasn't going to tell her that though. I was trying to encourage her.

Molly had had word from Dumbledore that Remus was finally coming home for Christmas. I felt a kind of nervous excitement at the thought of seeing him again, like butterflies.

It was the day after Annabelle's mission, where she'd snogged the face off of my cousin. Like nobody saw that coming. They'd been making eyes at each other ever since she came back. But Sirius was being…well, a bloody git and had pushed her away, even when it was more than obvious that he still felt the same.

"Maybe a little," I conceded. "But still, you need to face Sirius at some point. Why not today?"

"For one very good reason; you didn't see his face. He looked absolutely mortified."

I sighed, crossing my arms over my chest as I turned back to her. "Did he or did he not kiss you back?"

"Yes—"

"Right then," I interrupted, pacing past her before she could reply.

"But wait!" She hissed, stepping in front of me quickly. She looked desperate and a little embarrassed. "What if he…well, what if he just felt the need to kiss me back? I did practically jump on him at the time."

I rolled my eyes this time. I couldn't imagine Sirius feeling forced to do anything. "Yes, I can really imagine Sirius feeling like he just _had_ to kiss you back. You know as well as I do that if Sirius didn't want to, he'd have knocked you back straight away."

"But—"

Then she stopped, clearly realising I was right.

I raised my eyebrows, knowing I'd won. She reluctantly stayed quiet and followed me down the hallway. We laughed as snow suddenly dropped from the ceiling.

"Let me guess, the twin's ideas?"

"Probably." I nodded. It seemed likely. Probably testing products they were considering selling in their shop. Business had been going well. They repaid the order with their help by playing pranks whenever they could.

"So err, feeling nervous at all?"

"No, why should I?"

"Well you are about to see Remus again." Annabelle teased, and I instantly rolled my eyes. The truth was that I was feeling a little nervous. Not that I wanted to admit that aloud.

"Hilarious."

"You're stating the obvious there." She grinned smugly.

We headed into the dining room and my eyes automatically scanned the room. My smile dropped quickly.

"Okay, so uncomfortable? Check."

I glanced round to see that Sirius was looking this way, at Annabelle. "Just go and talk to him after the meeting."

Annabelle nodded, but said nothing more as she too looked around the room. "Wait, Remus isn't here."

At this, I felt more disappointment swell up inside me. "I know."

"Well maybe he's just late."

I rolled my eyes again at her very obvious attempt to comfort me. "We both know he's never been late to an order meeting…come on, let's just go and sit down."

I dragged myself towards the table. Truth was, I wasn't really in the mood anymore. I guess I'd pinned too much hope on Remus being here. I'd just wanted to see for myself that he was okay.

We sat a few seats away from Sirius, as they were the only ones left. Moody started the meeting by telling us all about the latest disappearances over the course of the week. There was quite a list. I felt sick.

It served to remind me how many of us were putting our lives at risk. Sometimes it didn't feel as though Remus was ever coming home.

Sirius didn't look surprised. Or if he did, he hid it well. I frowned in response. Perhaps it was just me who didn't know what was going on. Maybe Remus was trying to tell me something. The same thing he'd been telling me for more than a year.

Bill was here with Fleur again. Though that was probably because Molly and Arthur wasn't. Arthur was busy with work and Molly was had managed to find some time at home to relax.

It was only the other day that Bill had told everyone—including Molly and Arthur—that they were engaged. I'd never seen Bill looking so relaxed, his arm around the back of her chair and a smile on his face. It was nice. I was the first to admit that I was surprised that Bill liked Fleur as much as he did, but only because they were so different. But when they were together, it seemed like the most natural thing in the world. And who was I to judge.

Mad-Eye was the first to roll his eyes as Bill suggested we all go out.

"Do you really think that's such a good idea, laddie?"

"Oh come on, Alastor." Sirius groaned in complaint. "We've all had a rubbish week and Bill's right, we could use a night out, especially with how depressing that meeting was."

"Exactly." Bill grinned. "And I promise that I'll make sure everyone gets home safe and sound before midnight. Before the carriage turns into a pumpkin and the princess loses a slipper."

He turned back to look at Fleur at that, and she smiled a little in response.

"So, me in other words?" Sirius teased, throwing in a wink at Bill from across the table. "We all know I'm the princess of the story."

"Oh please. Everyone knows that I'm the real Cinderella here."

Sirius shrugged off Bill's joke. "Perhaps, but let's face it. I'm prettiest."

Annabelle rolled her eyes obviously as she leaned towards me. "Men. They're more vain than us."

I snorted in response, watching Mad-Eye wave a hand in response. "Do whatever. Just make sure you're all careful and are constantly—"

"Vigilant, yes, yes, we get it Mad-Eye." I sighed heavily. Like nobody could see that coming. He told us every chance he got, even after I'd had three years of it.

He frowned but nodded, taking his leave and leaving me, Annabelle, Bill, Fleur, and Sirius still sat at the table.

Annabelle frowned as she picked up her bag from under the table. "Are you alright?"

"Yes, I'm fine." I said, a little harsher than I meant. She meant well but I knew she was only asking because Remus wasn't here. I didn't want her feeling bad for me, rather than enjoy herself on their night out. "But I probably won't be going out with you all, not tonight anyway."

"But you have to! It won't be the same without you."

"I bet you'll hardly notice I'm not there." I insisted as I bent to pick up my own bag.

"But of course we will! We haven't been out together for ages and…well, in all truth, I don't think that Fleur likes me all that much. I swear she's been giving me looks every time I've spoken this evening."

I glanced up and towards Fleur and Bill. True enough, it did look as though she'd been staring for a moment and she hadn't looked too pleased.

"Well in all fairness, you did kiss her fiancé."

"Yeah, like a year ago! Not to mention it didn't mean anything, to either of us."

I shrugged. Truth was that I'd only been teasing her. Everyone knew it didn't mean anything. "Yes well perhaps you could use tonight to get to know each other a little more."

"Please tell me that was a joke." She said in almost horror.

I sighed, forcing myself to stand. "Look, you'll be fine without me. Go have fun."

She frowned, but finally reluctantly nodded. "Are you sure you don't mind us all going out without you, especially considering Remus—"

"Don't be silly." I quickly interrupted. Truth was, I felt silly keep talking about it.

I stayed long enough to help Annabelle choose what to wear. She'd asked me to. It didn't matter how much she denies it, it was obvious that she wanted to make an impress on Sirius. Luckily, she still had clothes here. I guess both of us were still in denial about our relationships failing.

She found a royal blue skirt, which was longer at the back and a white x-shaped crop top, leaving her hair curly and down. She looked amazing actually.

She smiled when I told her so. "Thanks. Thought I might as well make the effort."

"Not that you're dressing for anyone, of course." I smiled, holding up my glass with the firewhiskey Sirius had given us shortly before we'd crept upstairs.

"No, Nymphadora Tonks, I'm not."

"I'll let that slide on the basis that I was blatantly teasing you."

"How generous of you."

"Well that's why we're friends." I reminded her, taking a sip of the honeygold drink and winching. "Blimey, I forgot how strong Sirius's firewhiskey actually is."

Annabelle shrugged as she too took a sip of hers. "It's not that bad."

"Yes well, you always seem to have a stronger threshold when it comes to alcohol."

"Which isn't necessarily a good thing," she said, taking another sip. "Not only is it more expensive to get a little inebriated, but I also usually find myself in sticky situations. Like having to do the walk of shame the morning after, for example. Something you've rarely done, despite your low-alcohol intolerance."

"I suppose that's true." I sighed. "Though, you've been on your best behaviour since you met Sirius."

"Well, I wouldn't say that." She snorted. "He's not exactly a good influence. Body shots at three in the morning is never a good idea, believe me."

"At least you have fun."

She sighed at my words, sitting down beside me on the bed and settling down her drink on the table. "You can have fun too. Don't think you've got to sit at home wallowing, just because Remus isn't here."

"I'm not wallowing." I insisted briskly, despite knowing she might be right.

Remus wouldn't want this. But I couldn't find it in me to care what he would or wouldn't want right now, I felt too disappointed.

"I just…can't be bothered anymore. I go to work, I come home, and going out is the furthest thing from my mind. I'd rather just have a takeaway, do a bit of paperwork and go to bed. And I know that makes me boring but I can't help it. I just can't find the effort to do anything anymore, to care even."

"Well that's understandable." She nodded. "And I can understand why you don't want to go out tonight. But I won't give up. We should go out tomorrow night or something, even if it's just for 2 for 1 cocktails. We could have a proper girls night out, just us."

"Yes, Mum's given this speech already." I said with a sigh. "She keeps saying that I need to get out there. That my twenties should be the best decade of my life. Though how she can talk when she had me at twenty-five, I don't know."

"Probably because she still went out occasionally. Yes, she had you, but she probably wasn't moping at home."

"I get it, I get it, and of course you're right." I paused, biting down on my lip. A year ago, I wouldn't have been behaving like this. I still had a life, even around Remus. I went out with Annabelle, had a few drinks, and didn't leave for home until my feet were incredibly sore from dancing all night and I was full on cheap kebabs. "I'd actually love a girls night out."

She smiled instantly, leaning forwards to squeeze my hands. "Me too. Then it's agreed, I think. It will be nice to spend some time together, just me and you again."

"Yeah, it would." I agreed and I meant it. Nights out with Annabelle had always been the best kind.

Sirius's eyes seemed to find Annabelle's the moment she walked into the dining room. She flushed instantly and I sighed quietly. I was happy for them, of course I was, but there was this selfish part of me that yearned for what they had, the way he looked at her, like she was the only person in the room. Was that too much to ask?

I let Annabelle force me into the chair besides her as Sirius topped up our glasses. I didn't think it was fair of me to rush off when I wasn't going out with them.

Fleur looked beautiful too. She was wearing a white Grecian dress with a gold belt around the middle. Her hair was loose, golden curls pushed over her right shoulder and she was wearing bright red lipstick. Even Bill had changed into a grey shirt. I couldn't imagine him making that kind of effort for anyone else, that was for sure.

Fleur and Bill were already in a conversation opposite us, but they were talking loudly enough for us all to hear.

"—my Mum will come round, just give her more time. She's bound to love you once she gets to know you a little better."

Fleur looked unconvinced at Bill's words but she smiled and nodded as he kissed the back of her hand.

"Hey," Annabelle said, sitting forwards. Automatically, Sirius looked round too. "Bill's right, you know. Molly will come round. It's only because she cares, but once she sees that you're both in it for the long-haul, she'll understand."

Her words had me curious. She sounded as hopeful as Bill did. I knew from speaking to her that her uncle and aunt's disapproval of Sirius had never strayed too far from her mind.

"Do you listen to ezeryone's conversation all 'ze time even 'zen it is not your place to zay anyzing?"

Annabelle looked as surprised as everyone else. Fleur was normally so polite and softly spoken. But she stood, glowering at Annabelle and ignoring Bill's attempt to soothe her as she raced from the room. That was awkward.

Annabelle looked equally as uncomfortable as she shifted in her seat. "She doesn't like me very much, does she?"

Bill sighed heavily, heaving a small shrug. "She just doesn't know you."

"Not to mention that you did kind of snog the face off her fiancé."

Annabelle rolled her eyes at my attempt to lighten the mood. It was like I said, everyone knew it hadn't meant anything.

She turned back to Bill with a smile. "Yes, congratulations by the way." He didn't get a chance to reply to say thank you, because she was already speaking, turning back to me immediately. "And just to say, I think Bill will agree when I say that that kiss never meant anything, to either of us."

Bill nodded quickly in response. "Yeah exactly."

And then Annabelle said, in a definitively smaller voice: "And besides, it was also more to rile Sirius up with jealousy than anything else."

"Well it worked."

Sirius's eyes landed on Annabelle again. There was a hint of mischievousness in them. "I was practically seething that night, as I'm sure you'll remember, Annabelle."

And then he seemed to smile a little as he lifted his glass up to take a sip.

"If it helps, I remain sorry about that. It's no excuse but I was incredibly drunk—"

"Bill, we both were. It was a mistake, it happens." Annabelle insisted quickly. "Though _please_ don't say you happened to tell Fleur all of this, right?"

He seemed to shift a little in his seat and his face definitely gained a little pink. "I might have told her that we kissed shortly after we got back together—"

"Oh you didn't!" Annnabelle groaned, hiding her face in her hands.

Sirius snorted in response, looking thoroughly amused. "Blimey, no wonder she hates you."

"Hilarious!" She hissed from underneath her hands.

Bill clambered to explain, looking a little flushed. "I just didn't want to lie to her, about anything. As you just said, it wasn't like it meant anything. It was just a drunken mistake."

Annabelle lowered her hands, looking just as pink as Bill. "Yes exactly and I hope you made that very clear."

"Of course," he quickly insisted.

"Good. Although you might want to remind her, like several million times. It isn't exactly the best first impression to have of me."

"Why do you care?" I snorted as I sipped on my drink. It was one drunken snog. I might have teased Annabelle, but what was the big deal really?

"Well because. She's Bill's fiancée now and soon to be his wife."

"Yeah about that, can we keep that a small secret between us for now? I just haven't told Mum or Dad yet."

"Yeah, of course." I smiled. "And congratulations by the way. You seem very happy together."

"Yeah we are," Bill agreed and his smile was huge.

"Of course he is." Sirius snorted as he lifted his glass again. "Not only has he actually managed to pull a Veela, he's even managed to talk her into marrying him."

Bill chuckled, realising that Sirius was joking. Annabelle however, glowered across at him. He swallowed the sip he'd just taken and shrugged. "What? Come on, I'm just joking with him!"

"Hilarious. That's why everyone's crying with laughter."

Sirius rolled his eyes and ducked his head to take another sip of his drink.

I decided then that it was probably time to leave. Otherwise, I'd end up staying around longer. The others set off for the pub too. They were going to Leaky Cauldron first, the cheapest for drinks on a Thursday night.

It was colder than I thought out.

Sirius seemed to smile knowingly as Annabelle shivered as they walked towards the Leaky Cauldron. I was going this way anyway, to collect an order of Chinese food.

"As gorgeous as you look, it's no wonder you're freezing. It is the middle of December after all."

She snorted bitterly at his tone. "Is that your idea of a compliment?"

He looked to me, shrugging a little as she headed off in front. "Why does it always feel as if I'm in trouble?"

I snickered in response. "Because you always are."

"Don't I know it." He sighed, attempting to fall back in step with Annabelle. "And just so you know, it was my idea of a semi-decent compliment actually. You always look beautiful."

"Yes, well—" And then she stopped and seemed to actually take that in. When I reached her other side, she smiled a little. "Thank you. You don't actually look so bad yourself."

He rolled his eyes in response. "Has anyone ever told you how much of a wonderfully complimentary person you are?" He teased and I laughed, watching them head off as I said my goodbyes and dived for the Chinese takeaway as they continued walking towards the Leaky Cauldron.

ooo

I ended up sitting in front of the television in my pyjamas, eating Chinese out of a box. It didn't take long for me to get bored. There was nothing good to watch and despite having work to do, I didn't have the motivation. I still had a week to get it finished either way.

But I was still bored. So I gave in.

I got dressed again, putting on my auror robes and apparated straight for Hogsmeade. Even if I had chosen to stay at home, it wasn't like I'd probably get any sleep. I'd not been able to for ages, no matter how many bloody hippogriffs I counted. It was probably just stress, but that didn't make it any less frustrating.

A feeling of heaviness flooded me as I walked past all the shops. It didn't seem to matter how many times I walked through Hogsmeade, I was swamped with so many memories from the last year. All of them included _him_ and I hated it. It was as though I couldn't see past anything else but him lately.

It had been snowing heavily here and all the rooftops were covered in thick, white snow. It was also dark, with the exception of a few dim streetlights guiding the way. Laughter sounded from inside the Three Broomsticks and I shoved my hands deeper into my pockets. If I found my way there, it wouldn't just be the one. Not with the way I was feeling.

It was quiet, with just the sound of my feet crunching against ankle-deep snow for company. It was the same as I walked through the front door of Hogwarts, though it was around ten. I wasn't surprised to see Snape, guarding most of the ground flood. He scowled when he saw me, but I paid no need. That was just him.

"I thought you were joining your imbecile of a cousin and the rest on a night out."

I was too fed-up to say something so I shrugged and said; "Didn't feel like it. So I went home…but then I got bored and decided I might as well make myself useful. I heard only Kingsley and Thompson were on duty."

"Along with a few members of staff, yes. Let me guess, you didn't feel like joining the others because yet again, Lupin just couldn't find the time to get out of—"

"Not everything has to be about him." I interrupted fiercely. I didn't want to give Snape the satisfaction of being right, not tonight. "Anyway, I'm here now. I might as well make myself useful."

He nodded, though he didn't look pleased. Then again, he always looked like that. "Then, by all means, the Transfiguration corridor is presently empty. Perhaps you could monitor activity there."

I rolled my eyes, folding my arms across my chest. "Can't you at least pretend as though you're giving me something useful to do?"

His lips curled in response. "I am giving you something useful to do. It's not my fault if you find the request isn't meaningful enough for you. You wanted to make yourself useful and I'm giving you a suggestion as to do that. By all means, you're welcome to go back home and—"

"Yes, yes, I get it. Fine." I huffed, unfolding my arms. "So…I'll just be down there then, if you need me."

"I'm sure that won't be necessary, but thank you for telling me what I already know, Nymphadora."

"You're welcome, _Snape_."

The hours dragged as I paced the corridor. But no more than if I'd been at home. At least, I was doing something.

But I couldn't get what Molly had said out of my mind, no matter how much I tried. She'd been so sure that Remus would be back. So what had happened to change that? Was Greyback really getting more suspicious about there being a spy in the camp? Or was he just using all of that not to have to come home and face me? I was probably overthinking this but given that nobody else seemed surprised by his absence, I was finding it hard not to take it personal. Maybe I was just overthinking this. Again.

"Perhaps you should go home if you can't afford to give your whole attention on watching one single corridor affectively."

Snape was back, his cape billowing around him, a scowl on his face as he strode over towards me. I was about to tell him that I was perfectly fine and certainly didn't need his concern when I glanced past him. It was light out already and I hadn't even realised.

"Oh. I didn't realise it was morning yet."

"Yes, I gathered that. Too busy daydreaming about Lupin, were we?"

"Oh please. I'm really not that obsessed. Besides, I can do another couple of hours."

I stood straighter, blinking away any tiredness as I turned and started to walk back towards the end of the corridor. My legs might have felt a little tired, but I was used to that from doing overnight missions. It was nothing I couldn't handle and the night had gone faster than if I'd been tossing and turning at home.

"Let me rephrase that in a way you'll be likely to understand." Snape sniped. His hand settled against my wrist, cold against my skin as he forced me to turn back.

I stepped back a little. Snape rarely ever touched anyone.

"You look as though you're about to collapse. Go home, get some sleep and come back for your evening shift as normal. And that isn't a recommendation, it's an order." He added quickly as I opened my mouth to speak, clearly guessing what I was about to say. "Dumbledore's orders himself, to be precise."

That only made me snort. Dumbledore, the one who all but rushed me out of his office every time I showed even the slightest bit of interest in Remus's safety, who made me feel as if I was worrying too much worrying about me guarding a bloody hallway all night. That was ironic.

"Whatever," I snapped. It wasn't Snape's fault but if that really was Dumbledore's orders then he was a hypocrite. Perhaps it was a good idea for me to leave after all. "I suppose I'll just see you again this evening then, Snape."

He nodded, looking as though he was fighting a smile as I flitted past him. "I suppose you will, Nymphadora."

ooo

But I didn't go home. Instead, I found myself wondering over to Grimmauld Place instead. I doubted I'd get any sleep before tonight anyway. I'd end up watching on the sofa, watching re-runs of some soap opera. At least here, I could talk to Sirius about how last night went. I needed a distraction.

It was silent as I tip-toed through the hallway though. I couldn't even hear Kreacher skittering about. Then again, he'd been much quieter lately. Respectful, even.

"Hello?" I called out by the staircase. "Sirius, are you at home?"

He was doing more for the order but I didn't think he'd be out so early in the morning. Not straight after a night out. He had to be too hungover. He hadn't had a proper night out in a year after all.

I heard a door open upstairs and wondered if I might have interrupted his beauty sleep. Guiltily, I headed for the dining room to flick the kettle on and started making an extra-large coffee for Sirius as way of an apology. I made one for myself too. But as I turned to put the cup on the table, I almost dropped them.

Annabelle had just walked through the door, dressed in pink slippers and a grey shirt belonging to Sirius. Her hair was a little messy, but she had quite the smile on her face.

I raised my eyebrows in response. "Well, I wasn't expecting to see you here this morning."

I said my first though as I settled down the cups. Sirius's was his favourite, it had the Gryffindor crest on it and I didn't think he'd be thrilled if I dropped it. They were never the same after one too many fixing spells.

"Good morning to you too." She said with a snort, settling herself down at the table. When she could see she wasn't fooling anyone, she rolled her eyes and continued. "Alright, so I may have stayed over last night."

"You don't say?"

Like it wasn't obvious enough with the bed hair and lack of clothing.

"So, I take it you two are back together then?" I asked as I headed back to the kettle to make her a cup of coffee.

"Yes we are." She said, but her tone didn't seem to fit given that she'd looked over the moon half a second ago.

"Congratulations. Though, I sense there might be a _but_ somewhere in that sentence."

"That's because there is. Well, not a bad one. Just…a really surprised one."

I frowned as I headed back over to the table, sitting opposite her once I'd poured her a cup. Now I was intrigued. "Well, I can't lie and say that I'm overly surprised about you being back together."

"Fair point." She shrugged. "So we went to the pub last night, had a few drinks between us, and we had a bit of a heart-to-heart. And yeah, things went from there—"

"Yeah, I don't need the details." I winched.

She rolled her eyes but continued anyway. "Yes well anyway. You've probably guessed what happened from there. Anyway, we were in the drawing room, just talking afterwards—"

I instantly pulled a face. I might have had to actually bleach my brain if she was saying what I thought she was saying. "Oh please, don't say you two…well _you know_ in the actual drawing room—"

"Does it matter?"

"Yes actually—"

"Anyway," she interrupted quickly. I reached for my cup of coffee as she talked. I hoped the taste would get rid of the awful mental image I had. "The point is that Sirius might just have proposed last night."

I slurped loudly on my coffee, practically spitting it out as I hurried to settle down the cup again. "Wait, as in asked you to _marry_ him?"

"Yep. That was pretty much the same reaction I had. Except, I actually sort of laughed at first." She confessed sheepishly, taking another sip on her coffee. "It was just so out of the blue that I assumed it was one of his jokes."

"And he wasn't joking?"

She shrugged, taking another sip. "It appears not."

"Bloody hell," I breathed out. "Well…congratulations. Given how little we have to enjoy these days, I definitely think that's cause for celebration."

Annabelle suddenly didn't look all that delighted though.

She opened her mouth to say something but Sirius was already walking through the door, a huge grin on his face. His hair was equally messy and he looked as though he'd just woken up. At least he was actually a little more dressed. A pair of chequered pants and a fitted, grey top. "What's this about a cause for celebration?"

"Oh nothing—"

"Yours and Annabelle's engagement, of course." I spoke at the same time as Annabelle, flashing a smug smile as she hid behind her cup.

"Oh, that." Sirius's smile seemed to drop a little. "Technically, we're not engaged."

"But I don't understand, you asked her to—" Then I stopped, noticing the way Annabelle's cheeks seemed a little too red to be simply blamed on how the coffee. "Oh. So you're back together, but…you said no to marry him."

Annabelle rolled her eyes. "I didn't say no actually. I said maybe."

"Technically, you didn't even say that." Sirius snorted as he lifted his cup of coffee to take a sip.

"All I said was," she started with a sigh. "That if you really meant it, then…well, you'd do it properly. That's all."

"What, fancy restaurant, bunch of flowers, one knee and all that?" I asked with a raised brow. "Just, I've never had you down for romantic gestures."

"Neither did I. But apparently she has standards."

"Who'd have thought it?" I snorted in response to Sirius's comments.

Annabelle didn't look impressed. "He hasn't even got a ring. And I can't say that I've ever given marriage much thought before. Not to mention that it didn't exactly help him asking me in bed at half one in the morning, when we were both half asleep."

"You may have a point." I shrugged. "But even still, surely it'd be nice? Yes, marriage hasn't exactly crossed your mind, but you've said it yourself, things are different this time."

"Of course. I just don't see why it's such a big deal."

"Maybe it's because it's what you do when you're supposed to love someone?"

I smiled, feeling almost surprised at the honesty in Sirius's voice. Then again, anyone can see how much they meant to each other. It was probably the natural next step.

"And I do." Annabelle said seriously, her expression softening. "But things are different now. I just mean…we're in a war. We could be dead tomorrow."

"Exactly," Sirius agreed quickly. "That's all the more reason. You know, joining the order was enough to finally convince James that he wanted to marry Lily. Like it wasn't already obvious to everyone. He realised whether they died the day after or in fifty years, he wanted to be married to her properly. And…well, I can understand what he meant now."

"Okay, okay, I get it. Well perhaps when you actually get a ring, I might seriously consider it." Her smile was genuine as she pressed a reassuring hand to his arm, before she lifted her cup again.

It was only when Annabelle disappeared to get dressed that Sirius turned back to talk to me. "Truth be told, I've already got a ring in mind. Not that I've told her yet."

I almost choked on my coffee, again. I coughed loudly and carefully put the cup back on the table. "You mean you've actually brought one?"

That must have meant he'd been thinking about it for a while. Bloody hell.

"Not exactly," he replied carefully. "My uncle Alphard, he was alone for most of his life. Never got around to marrying the girl he loved. She was half-blood, see. My mother did most of the work in helping break them up. He didn't get to make it up to her, though he left me some money even after I was struck off the family tree."

I nodded, letting him know I was listening. What was there to say? It was hardly surprising.

"Anyway, he left a ring too, the one he was going to use to propose to this girl."

"Oh that's so…sad." I tried, feeling my mouth form a frown.

He nodded in agreement. "He always told me not to listen to my parents. That marrying for love was more important than marrying for blood. Still didn't expect to be given something like that though. And it's not like any of the herilooms in this house. Uncle Alphard was more about elegance than the gaudy."

I smiled a little. "Blimey, so…you're really going to propose again then?"

"Why not? I meant what I said, you know."

"I know you did." I said, my smile widening. Anyone could see how he felt. It was good. He deserved to be happy.

"But I suppose she had a point with what she said. I blame the drink for giving me the courage. Well that and—"

"Please don't continue with that thought." I winched, recognising his smile. "So have you got any idea how you're going to do it?"

"Sort of," he replied vaguely. Then he sighed. "I wish Remus was here. James always went to him for advice on romance. No offence to you or anything."

But I shrugged in response. "None taken. I've never been very good at romance."

"Me neither. I think I have an idea anyway. It's just…putting it into action." He confessed, taking another long sip on his coffee. "I'm considering asking your Mum for some advice. Or your Dad. He's always been a romantic at heart."

"He has indeed." I smiled fondly. "Congratulations anyway. She'll say yes, I know she will."

"Glad you have such confidence."

I rolled my eyes. "Have faith. She looked practically ecstatic when she walked through that door this morning."

He smiled a little. "I guess it's just hard sometimes, trying to figure out how she's feeling. Like last night, things were going so well, we'd just agreed to give things another go and then I opened my big mouth and decided that it was a perfect time to propose. She pretty much turned over in bed and barely spoke another word.."

"She probably just didn't know what to say. She's not been in such a serious relationship before. But she hasn't run for it, has she?"

"Not yet."

"There you go then. Trust me, if you'd really frightened her off she wouldn't have bothered staying the night."

"True enough." He smiled again at that.

By the time I left Headquarters, it was already mid-afternoon. It would have been pointless to go home. I had the mid-evening shift and it wouldn't be fair if I ended up sleeping through it. So I apparated straight there, hoping that Snape would be elsewhere, teaching lessons and bothering someone else. But of course, I should be so lucky.

I rolled my eyes obviously as I headed into the main entrance. I couldn't hide either. There was barely anyone about, just a handful of students, all shuffling away to classes. Snape was guarding the same part of the castle as last night and he looked less than thrilled to see me.

"You're not due in for another couple of hours."

"I know that but it was pointless going home. And so, here I am."

He was already shaking his head before I'd finished speaking. "Allow me to talk to Dumbledore. He can switch you with one of the aurors on shift in tomorrow night."

"There's really no need. But thank you anyway."

But he wasn't going to let this go. I could tell by the expression on his face. "I insist, Nymphadora."

I sighed heavily. Why couldn't he just drop this? "Seriously, I'm fine. And you arguing with me is only going to make me more determined to stay so you might as well just give up now."

"As if I couldn't have guessed that for myself by now. You're too stubborn for your own good."

"Good," I said. "Then get out of my way and let me do my job."

But he didn't. Of course.

I sighed heavily, looking around helplessly. The corridor was practically deserted by now. Why did he have to make this such a bloody issue? "Look, I work better under pressure. It's how I got through three years of auror training."

"Did that include working with barely any sleep too?" He sniped. "You're no good to anyone if you're too tired to work, which you are by the way."

"Thanks so much—"

"So go home and come back tomorrow. I'm sure Dumbledore would agree with my advice."

That caught my temper. My hands balled into fists at my side, gaining Snape's attention. "Yes, I'm sure he would. It's pretty ironic considering that he can't seem to find the time to concern himself with the safety of Remus."

Snape rolled his eyes, looking far from amused as his eyes trailed behind me. "So that's what this is about. I should have guessed."

"No, it's got nothing to do with him!" I snapped, finding myself to angry to care that a few students had now stopped to look round. Maybe I was lying to myself, but I was more infuriated by the fact that Snape couldn't seem to leave me to do my job. Why wasn't nobody this concerned about Remus? "It's about you interfering, when I'm trying to do my job."

"Excuse me for expressing some friendly concern—"

"Oh why do you even care, Snape? It's not like my wellbeing is any concern to you anyway!" I moved to step away, realising that I was never going to win against him but he stopped me, his hand gripping against my wrist. I was too surprised by the look on his face to move away.

"Yes, I imagine it's probably easier to tell yourself that than to actually bear to face the truth."

Then his hand dropped from my arm as though he'd been scolded and I stepped back in the same way. Nobody else seemed to notice. But I certainly had. Snape even looked more shocked than I did. Clearly, he was messing with me. That had to be it. But then his eyes dropped and he walked away quickly. It was then that I realised with a stab of shock that he'd never willingly allow himself to appear so vulnerable unless he meant it.

[-]


	13. Tonks's POV- Girly Night Out

Snape's words played on my mind for days after. He had to have known that it would. It was the only logical explanation. But it still didn't make sense. Snape didn't care about anyone. Or at least, I'd thought not.

He'd gone out of his way to avoid me for over a year. When I'd asked for help in learning the Wolfsbane potion, he'd made it more than obvious that there was about a thousand more things he could be doing with his time. So why had he said something that made it sounded like he actually cared?

Whatever his reasons, I wasn't looking forward to my shift the following night. I crept into Hogwarts, praying that he wouldn't be there. Luckily he wasn't for a change. I headed straight for the third-floor corridor.

I smiled as Harry hurried out of a classroom to the right of my corridor. I hadn't seen him in a while. He'd been busy, especially with Snape as the new Defence against the Dark Arts professor. I'd already heard as much from Ron's letters to Molly. Even Sirius had only managed to write to Harry every few weeks. Harry smiled when he saw me, though I noticed he looked a little tired. So did Ron actually, who yawned obviously from besides him.

"You two look about as shattered as I do."

Ron snorted in response. "That's an understatement. Snape's been giving us twice as much homework as usual. Him becoming the new Defence against the Dark Arts teacher was probably the worst thing that could have happened in the history of this school."

Hermione rolled her eyes from besides him. "Oh, don't be so dramatic. He's not that bad."

"Speak for yourself."

I smiled a little, despite myself. Why was it that whenever there seemed to be a problem, Snape was usually involved in some way? "Want me to have a word?"

"No, it's not worth it. In fact, knowing him he'd probably demand ten more feet worth of homework just for grassing him up to you." Harry said. "Thanks though."

Even with the rubbish Snape sprouted last night, I had a feeling they were right.

"You're probably right." I sighed. "If it helps, I was always in trouble with Snape. I had detention practically every day of the year. But I finally managed to scrape by with an Exceeds Expectations. I think I was about a mark off from failing. But the point is that you can get through it, even if it doesn't feel like it yet."

"We'll see if we share that attitude by the end of the year." Ron huffed, though he forced a smile.

I smiled in sympathy, knowing he was right. Snape was dreadful to almost everyone, excluding the Slytherins of course. He'd always shared favouritism with his own house.

By the end of work the next day, I was more than ready to unwind. Scrimgeour was unimpressed with the Ministry's progress around the disappearances. Though I wasn't sure why he was surprised. If the Daily Prophet had been more honest about things, it might not have gotten this bad.

I'd agreed to meet Annabelle in the Three Broomsticks at seven. They were doing a two for one offer on cocktails and Annabelle had insisted that they were perfect after a hard day.

She'd already brought the drinks by the time I got there. A Phoenix Feature for her and a Golden Snitch for me. She looked nice, though she usually did. She was wearing a black crop top and a long white skirt with heels. Her hair was down and pulled to the side.

I hadn't bothered getting dressed up. Clothes hadn't been my priority when I'd gone home to get changed. Leather look jeans, black top with a daisy and ankle boots had been what I'd thrown on.

The Three Broomsticks wasn't especially busy, considering it was a Thursday. Things had stopped people venturing out so much.

I snorted as a group of three men walked past Annabelle's table. She was sat on a little round table in the corner. One turned his head to give her a long, lingering look. She rolled her eyes and glanced the other way. If that had happened two years ago, she'd have likely batted her eyelashes and given a smile. Anything to get a free drink.

She looked relieved when she saw me. I pulled out the chair opposite her and sat down.

"Thank god you're here." She sighed, nodding behind me. "See that table to the right?"

I looked round, following her eyes to a table where the same guys who'd walked past Annabelle's table seconds before were all sat. The same one was still looking over here and he smiled when he saw us looking. He was young, with blonde, spiky hair and a grey fitted shirt.

"I see them."

"Well, the one who's looking over here has been trying to buy me a drink for the last ten minutes. He doesn't seem to be getting the point."

"I wouldn't have thought you'd care. In fact, if he was buying you a drink, even better."

She didn't look impressed as I turned back round. "I wasn't that bad. And besides, it's the same old story. Guy buys you a drink. Then you can guarantee he'd expect at least a grope in return. I can safely say that I'm no longer interested in either. Though I wish he'd get the message and stop staring."

"Yeah, poor you. It must be awful having men staring after you."

She rolled her eyes in response to my teasing. "It is considering I've barely made eye contact. Anyway, perhaps I could get their number for you. Given you know, that you're technically single."

"That's not funny."

"I know it's not." She said with a sigh, realising I didn't appreciate the reminder. "I was just trying to cheer you up. You look as though you're still fretting about things."

I shrugged. Truth was, I'd been trying not to think about anything to do with a certain, stubborn man. It only made it harder. "I'm fine really. Work was a drag though. Scrimgeour's fretting more and more about these disappearances."

"Tell me about it. It's the same in my department."

"Thanks for getting the drinks in by the way. I definitely needed it."

And with that, I picked up my glass and downed at least half of it at once and she raised an eyebrow in response. "I see that. Bad day?"

"Not…especially. Though of course hearing about these disappearances doesn't make it easy." I said carefully. "Just a few strange days."

Her forehead creased. "That sounds interesting. Anything you'd like to talk about?"

I bit my lip, debating. But it wasn't worth it. If I was honest about the conversation with Snape, it would go back to Sirius and that was the last thing I wanted. And it wouldn't be right to ask to keep it to herself either.

"Urm…no it's fine, it's just work stuff. Nothing I can't handle."

"Are you sure?" Annabelle asked. I forced another nod and a bright smile.

"Well if it makes you feel any better, work hasn't been much fun for me either. You'd think by now everyone would tire themselves of talking about my love life. But apparently not."

"What do you expect?" I teased. "You are in a relationship with the very controversial Sirius Black, after all."

"Oh please," she snorted. "So he served in Azkaban for twelve years, for a murder that he didn't even commit. What about all those that broke out of Azkaban that actually _have_ murdered people and are still on the run? You'd think that would be a more important issue to talk about, given everything that's going on."

"Yeah, but I suppose death eaters on the run isn't exactly thrilling office gossip."

"Clearly." She sneered. "Anyway, whilst we're on the subject of controversial boyfriends…"

I rolled my eyes, knowing where she was going. "No, I haven't heard from Remus, if that's what you were going to ask. I don't know why I'm surprised. I think I've almost given up of being surprised when it comes to him."

Almost.

She sighed heavily. "I didn't think as much. Sirius hasn't mentioned anything either. Then again, he's been acting a little off too."

"How so?"

"Well I'm sure he's been avoiding me for a start." She said with a frown. "Every time that I visit headquarters or suggest meeting, he's busy."

"Well maybe he is."

Dumbledore had finally seen sense—at least, in this—and allowed Sirius to do more things for the order.

"I know he's been busier. It just seems strange. No matter what time I come round or suggest, he reckons he has to go out to do shopping, or fill out some paperwork, or some other lame excuse. The order has been hectic, but things aren't that bad."

I frowned. That did seem a little weird. But then I remembered our conversation from two days before, about him planning to propose. Perhaps he was busy with that?

"You know something."

I glanced back to see that Annabelle had sat back, arms folded across her chest, eyes narrowed suspiciously.

"Of course not. Why would you say that?"

"Because you've always been a rubbish liar. And it's written all over your face."

I rolled my eyes, hoping I wasn't flushing. She was right. But then…it wasn't as though I was _really_ lying. He might have just been busy.

"I'm just as confused as you are. Honestly, I've barely seen him myself over the last couple of days."

She nodded, though she didn't look convinced. "So if you knew something that you thought I should know, you'd tell me right?"

Technically if I was right, she didn't need to know just yet. "Of course."

She nodded again and reached for her a drink to take a sip.

"Anyway, I forgot to ask the other day, how did the night out go? Did you get to speak to Fleur anymore?" It was a good enough distraction as any.

"Yeah, I did. She's actually alright when you get to know her a little more. Perhaps a little judgemental but then as everyone keeps reminding me, I did kiss her fiancé."

"You did indeed." I said with a smile.

"But I spoke with her when we were in the Leaky Cauldron and made it more than obvious that it was a mistake. That and well, my feelings for Sirius." At that, she seemed a little pink but she moved on before I could tease her. "Anyway, the point is that I made it clear that I thought her and Bill were a good match."

"Blimey." I snorted. "Sounds like you've got a new BFF there."

"Yeah, I really wouldn't go that far. Don't get me wrong, she's nice enough. But she'll never replace you."

"Flattery isn't get you anywhere. Don't think I don't know what you're doing."

I wasn't stupid. She was being overly-complimentary to find out if I know anything about what Sirius was up to.

She rolled her eyes. "Don't be silly. I mean it. You got me through three years of auror training. And besides, life would be tedious without you as my BFF."

"You mean, without me doing something stupid or being ridiculously clumsy?"

"Well yeah that too." She grinned. "Anyway, you said that like you know something. Is there something you're not telling me, Nymphadora Tonks?"

"Well if there was, calling me by that wretched name isn't going to make me anymore tempted to tell you either."

"Point taken." She laughed in response, taking another sip on her drink. Then she sighed heavily, her eyes dropping. "Seriously, you'd think he'd stop staring by now, wouldn't you?"

She was right. That same guy before was looking this way again.

"Take it as a compliment."

"Yeah, because I love being stared at all night." She complained, before her eyes widened as she looked behind us again. "Oh great, he's actually coming over again."

I snorted as I looked round. "Blimey. Well you can't say he isn't determined."

"Hang on, I've got an idea."

I turned back to see Annabelle switching one of her dress rings on her right hand to her left. In all fairness, it was flashy enough to get away with being an engagement ring.

"Really?"

"Let's face it, I practically am now. Maybe he'll finally get the point."

Well when she put it like that.

He was friendly enough as he wondered over to our table, giving Annabelle a shy smile. "Hey, I was just wondering if—"

"Yeah sorry, but—" she said in a very un-sorry voice as she held up her left hand. "I'm engaged, so."

"Oh. That's great." He said in a neutral sort of voice. "But I was actually going to ask your friend if she wanted a drink."

I almost snorted. But then I turned my head to see that he really was looking at me. Blimey, he really was desperate.

"Oh." I said, blinking in surprise. "Thanks but…well, I'm actually seeing someone too."

"Yeah and on that note, we have to leave." Annabelle interjected quickly. I had to admit that I was grateful for that.

I felt about a million times better the moment we stepped outside. The night air whipped about my face, cooling my red cheeks.

"You know, technically you're not seeing someone. Not really."

I rolled my eyes as I pulled my jacket around me further. "Yeah well technically you're not engaged, so I guess we both lied tonight, didn't we?"

"Tonks." She sighed. "You looked gutted when he asked you if you wanted a drink."

"I was more ticked off if anything. He asked you first."

Not that I'd have said yes. Men was the last thing on my mind. But wasn't it ironic how I seemed to be the second choice? Like I wasn't used to feeling like that by now.

"You're not upset about that. You're upset about Remus ignoring you for all these months."

"Do you know what?" I said louder than I realised as I sprung to a stop and turned to look at her. "I'm not upset, no. I'm bloody angry, that's what I am!"

She nodded, looking less than surprised by my outburst. "And you've ever right to be."

"But I can't do anything about it, can I?" I groaned loudly, not caring if anyone was staring by now.

What did it matter? It wasn't like I was used to be made to look like an utter bloody fool. Practically the whole of the order knew about me and Remus by now.

And I was sick of trying to ignore this whole thing. It never seemed to make a difference! It was as though this heavy, dark cloud constantly hanging over my head.

"Write to him again. Make him listen to you—"

"Don't you think I've tried that?"

"Then try again!" Annabelle said, her voice rising too as she stepped forwards. "You're one of the most determined people I know, Tonks. Make him listen to you! The git has to stop being so stubborn at some point. Hell, he'll even have to come back from this bloody mission at some point and then what? He can't keep ignoring you after that, Tonks."

I raised my eyebrows. She was wrong. He'd proved that often enough before he even went away. "Except he can."

She reached out, pressing a hand to my shoulder and squeezing it gently. "Just…don't give up on him yet. That's all I ask."

I nodded anyway. Because even though I wanted to shout and scream, and kick things, I knew deep down that I still felt the same. No matter how much my head protested.

* * *

 **Don't hate me! Poor Tonks! :(**


	14. Annabelle's POV- A Night Away

Sirius was up to something. I just knew it.

Each time that I tried to make plans, he had some excuse as to why he couldn't meet me. Every excuse was ridiculous too. Like he needed to do food shopping—which he'd certainly never made time to do before—or that he was meeting Tonks…even when I knew she was at work for another hour at least. Even when I apparated to headquarters, he was usually up from his seat and halfway out the door as soon as he saw me.

But a few days later as I headed to bed, I found a brown speckled owl that I didn't recognise pecking at my window. I let him in and detached the envelope hanging from his right leg. It was from Sirius. I recognized the elongated writing.

Inside was a note. It said that I needed to pack an overnight bag and meet him promptly after work at headquarters the following evening. No mention of where we were going or what he even had planned. It was like he knew that the less information he gave, the more it'd infuriate me.

I liked surprises. And I was excited, of course I was. But I didn't even know what to pack!

I ended up going with pretty much everything. A couple of tops, a dress, jeans, a skirt and a jumper. That way, I was prepared for anything. I even packed a pair of long pyjamas. It was still winter after all. I just hoped he didn't plan on travelling somewhere hot.

I apparated from work, just as he asked.

Sirius was already waiting for me in the dining room, an overnight bag packed and waiting on the table. I set aside mine and looked at him expectantly. "Well?"

He looked like he was holding back laughter as he continued to watch me carefully. "I bet it's been killing you, hasn't it? Not knowing what I've got planned."

"No actually, it isn't." I said briskly, knowing my tone gave me away. I sighed heavily as his smile widened. "Fine. Yes. Alright. I want to know where we're going. Happy now?"

"Extremely." He said, grinning in obvious delight.

"So?" I said impatiently. "Are you going to tell me?"

"Not likely." Sirius snorted. "I just wanted to hear you say it."

I groaned loudly in frustration. "God you are so irritating, you know that!"

"Yes. You've told me now and again. But that's why you love me." He said in a sing-song voice as grabbed for a torch from besides his bag and packed it at the top. He must have done that just to get me curious. He could have packed it before I'd gotten here. Why would we even need a torch where we were going?

I frowned, despite him not looking my way. "But I don't even know what to wear! You could at least give me a hint."

He smiled, clearly hearing the hope in my voice. "I'm afraid not. It will be worth it though. Besides—" he took a moment to look at what I was wearing. "You look fine as you are."

"Fine… _Fine_!" I huffed, placing my hands on my hips. "Charming!"

He stepped over to my side, looking as if he was fighting a smile as he reached for my hands. "Beautiful then. Excuse me for being the teeniest bit preoccupied."

I shrugged before I wrapped my arms around his neck and stepped closer. "You're excused."

He chuckled softly, but the sound ended quickly as I lowered my lips to his. His hands pressed to my waist and they tightened as I kissed him harder, forgetting everything else as his tongue softly brushed against my lips. And then he was pulling away and I groaned in annoyance, my fingers sliding down his chest to fist against the front of his shirt.

"Seriously, I've barely seen you lately. Not to mention kiss you."

"By all means, we could stay here and continue if you'd like." He suggested innocently. "Or we can leave now and you can find out what it is exactly that I've been planning the last few days."

I didn't even need to think about that one. "Well, I'm sure there'll be plenty of opportunities for a catch-up later. And snogging. There's always time for snogging."

"Woman after my own heart." He chuckled as he moved back to grab his bag. Automatically, I picked up mine. "How did I know you were going to say that?"

"Probably because you know I've been practically dying over the last twenty-four hours."

He nodded in agreement. "Probably. Excuse me for a second. I'll just let Kreacher know we're leaving. He's cleaning the drawing room. Again."

I smiled as he rolled his eyes. Kreacher had been a little obsessive about cleaning lately. Not that it was a bad thing. The house looked better than it had in years. But as we both reached the hallway, Kreacher had apparated by the staircase, a smile on his face as he saw us. He was holding a duster in his hand.

"You're leaving early. Have a nice evening. Kreacher will see you both tomorrow." He bowed slightly.

"Yes, you will. Don't worry about dinner tomorrow evening. I have a feeling we won't be rushing back."

Kreacher's eyes widened. "Only if you're sure, Master—"

"Yes, yes, honestly, it's fine, Kreacher." Sirius insisted quickly, turning back to grab his bag from the floor. Kreacher nodded and apparated back upstairs with a pop. "Honestly, as much as I enjoy this side of Kreacher, he can be a little over-bearing at times."

"Well at least it's proof that Kreacher really does have a heart." I smiled, following him down the hallway.

Sirius snorted as he reached for his coat. "True. Who'd have thought it?"

I reached for own coat and turned back to find Sirius holding his arm out. I rolled my eyes. He still wasn't going to tell me where we were going, which meant we'd have to side-apparate there. I I took his arm, but he paused, turning to look at me, a smile on his face.

"Whilst you're at it, you might as well close your eyes."

"Oh come on. Don't you think you're being a little melodramatic?"

"Of course I am. It's what I'm known for."

I sighed but did as he asked. It was obvious he wasn't planning on leaving until I played along.

There was a popping sound as we left headquarters, telling me we were apparating. Then there was the quiet whistling of the wind. We were outside.

There was a distinctive crunch as our feet landed in snow. I could feel it through my shoes and already my feet ached from the cold.

"You can look now. If you like."

He sounded amused, presumably because I still had my eyes closed. I'd never been the most patient of people.

I opened one eye…and the other, my hand dropping from his hand automatically.

Staring back at me was the thatched cottage I grew up in when I was a child. Where I'd had my most happy, prized memories and my worst. It was also where I'd lost my parents. Sirius knew from me telling him that those years had been my most happiest.

And it looked exactly the same. Like nothing had changed.

It had the same copper roof, which was stifled from snow, the same stone walls, and the same rose beds by the front of the house. In fact, they were in bloom. Which meant somebody had to have been keeping them watered for a while.

I eyed Sirius suspiciously. "How long have you known about this place?"

"Not long." He shrugged. "Took me ages to try and find it. In the end, I had to swallow my pride and ask your aunt and uncle instead."

I could feel myself gaping. "Wait, what? You actually went to see my aunt and uncle?"

"Not quite. Tonks knew the address. She managed to convince them to come around to headquarters again. God knows how after what happened last time they were here."

I nodded in agreement. That had been awful.

"Anyway, it was fair to say that they wasn't too thrilled to see me. Even less so, when I told them what I was planning."

No surprise there then. Luckily, I hadn't bothered to tell them when we'd broken up. They'd have been too overjoyed.

"Anyway don't you want to go in? Only, it's kind of freezing."

Sirius was right. I could barely feel my hands at this point. I'd just been too distracted to notice.

"Good point." I said, taking his hand and letting him guide me towards the brown gate, leading to our small front garden. "So…we're actually staying here?"

"Of course. We didn't come all this way for nothing."

I snorted at his sarcasm as he retrieved a key from his jacket pocket. "Sure. Apparating from London to Devon really takes it out of you."

"Exactly." He grinned, opening the door.

Sirius stepped forwards, switching on a light by the side of the door and casting light into the room.

Everything was the same. It was strange. Like going back in time. The amount of times I'd skipped through this front door, without a care in the world.

I caught the smell of bleach as I wondered through the doorway and paused there. My eyes drifted around the room, lingering on everything.

Sirius stopped behind the sofa in the middle of the room and settled down the bags. He turned to look at me expectantly. "You coming in then? Only you're letting in all the cold air."

He was teasing me, I knew, but I was still too surprised to play along. I stepped forwards and carefully shut the door behind me. There was even a basket full of wood besides the fireplace, just as there would have been all those years before. Dad would venture to the woods a few hundred yards away every couple of weeks to collect more.

"I thought my aunt and uncle had sold this place years ago."

They barely ever mentioned my Mum and Dad. They mentioned this place even less. I'd just assumed they'd have wanted to sell it on and get rid.

"Well it turns out your aunt thought about doing that, but didn't have the heart. She thought, should you ever want to come back here, you could."

I raised my eyebrows in surprise. I used to assume they'd want rid of anything belonging to my parents.

I walked forwards slowly, gazing around the room again. It was too clean. There was no dust anywhere. And the smell of bleach was even stronger. In fact, I now noticed that the fireplace had even been lit, as though ready for our arrival.

"This is where I've been going the last couple of days." Sirius answered my unspoken question. "To be honest, it was a bit of a state when I first got here. Cobwebs everywhere. But I think I've done a pretty good job."

I snorted. "Especially considering you're a Black."

Sirius was never allowed to do anything as a child. He'd recalled how he could barely out his plate in the washing-up bowl without his mum screeching at him that Kreacher liked to do all that.

"Very funny." He smiled, watching me carefully. His smile widened as I looked back to him. "Finally. I know it's been what…sixteen years, but I was starting to wonder if you'd forgotten about me."

"No chance of that."

"Glad to hear it." He said as he stepped forwards, tearing my gaze back from the staircase by the side of the room. He smiled again, pressing his hands to my waist as he placed a kiss to my forehead. "Why don't you go and take a look around properly. I know you want to. Besides, it will give me a chance to prepare dinner. Your Uncle Toby happened to mentioned you used to eat Spaghetti Bolognaise practically every day living here. Ice cream for desert of course, Devonshire's finest."

I grinned in response. "Because I loved Devonshire ice cream. I used to have practically a tub of it a day living here."

"Well that explains why you were a chunky child." He teased, laughing merrily as I pretended to shove him away.

"I think I will go and have that look around, given you're in such a complimentary mood tonight."

"Oh you know I'm only joking."

"I know." I smiled, stepping forwards and kissing him quickly one last time. "Though…are you sure you're alright with cooking? Considering how little you do of it, I mean."

"Cheek." He snorted. "I'm sure I can work it out."

I smiled and nodded, moving to follow him through to the kitchen, which was through a doorway besides the living room.

Mum and Dad loved cooking in here. They'd spend hours teaching me. Perhaps that was why it felt so natural watching Sirius doing the same. The room was huge. It had a large, rectangular high table in the middle, surrounded by three chairs. The cabinets were made from oak, the tops a grey speckled marble.

I headed for the room to the right of the kitchen, the dining room. It was the same in here. Wooden floors like the living room and kitchen, with a Persian rug underneath a large, rectangular dining table. There was also ten chairs sat around it. There was a fireplace at the side of the room. Large windows overtook the whole of the left wall, showing most of the back garden. I thought Sirius would like it in here. It was open and light.

The library was the last room downstairs. And the hardest doorway to walk through. I had to stop for a second and bite my lip. This had been my Dad's favourite room. A large cabinet filled with endless amount of books covered the side of one wall. They spent endless evenings reading to me. There was two sofas in the middle of the room and a footrest. On the coffee table perched at the side, in between the two sofas, was one of Mum's murder mysteries. On top of the stone fireplace at the side of the room, was a picture of us stood proudly. I brushed the frame fondly, before taking a deep breath and moving back into the living room to head upstairs.

My bedroom was laid out the same way. Gryffindor posters sprawled on every wall. My duvet was pink though. That was the colour my walls had been before I decided I desperately wanted the Gryffindor colour scheme. Dad had even painted one wall red. Mum wouldn't let him do the rest. Instead, she made him paint the others white so that it wasn't so drastic.

There was three other spare rooms, one of which had its own bath at the side of the room and a bathroom. My parents had one of the smallest bedrooms, though it did have a double bed. They were never very materialistic.

The smell of bolognaise had me leading back towards the kitchen. Sirius was dishing up by the time I'd finished looking around. He glanced up, smiling when he saw me.

"You may as well go through to the dining room, everything's ready. And there's even champagne to go around too."

"Get you." I smiled, pretending to raise my eyebrows in shock. "Are you feeling alright?"

"I blame you. You're far too much of a good influence." He teased as I crossed the room to his side. His expression changed quickly though as he set aside the pan. "If it's too much, we don't have to stay here—"

"No, no, it's fine." I quickly insisted with a smile. "Honestly. It just took a bit of getting used to, that's all. But I'm happy to be back."

He nodded, leaning in for a quick kiss. "Good."

Dinner was lovely, despite all my teasing. It was nice to get away, even if it was probably just for the night. We still had responsibilities to the order after all. But I had a feeling that this time to ourselves was what both of us needed. Things might have been intense back at home but we had the night to try and forget it, even just for a bit.

Sirius suggested we go for a walk after dinner.

It was just before Christmas, but I agreed nevertheless. The house was too warm anyway. The fireplace radiated far more heat than you'd think.

It was lovely actually.

He slowly followed me out of the front door and down the small path leading towards town. As he caught up with me, he smiled. "I've got something for you."

He held out his hand. He had a single pink flower. A peony flower, my favourite.

I gasped, taking it from him. My fingers brushed the velvet petals gently. "Oh Sirius, it's beautiful. I haven't seen these in years."

"What are the chances? I found a patch near the house."

"Really?" I smiled, moving in to kiss him on the cheek. "You know, you amaze me sometimes, Sirius Black."

He chuckled quietly as he took my hand. "I'll take that as a compliment, love."

He surprised me further by going to my favourite ice cream parlour for desert. Living here, it was true that I did have a tubful a day of the proper stuff. But this was just as good. It was a rarity when I was treated to one.

We headed out to the seafront and I pulled my jacket around me further. My hair whipped about my face as we stopped just by the tide and took in the view.

It took my breath away.

"Wow." I said softly.

The sky was a mixture of colour, of yellows, oranges and blues. The sea seemed to reflect it, washing gently over the sandy shores.

"Si—" I started when Sirius didn't reply, turning automatically. But then I quickly stopped. And felt my eyes widen instantly.

Sirius had knelt, one knee brushing against the dry sand, a nervous look in his eyes. Though that was hardly surprising given what he was holding out. A small velvet box was in his hands. Nestled in it, was an engagement ring.

"Annabelle Jane Clements." He said with a small smile and shake of his shoulders. "Never would I have thought I'd be doing this when I first met you."

I pretended to snort. "Thanks very much."

"But somehow you managed to invade my heart as much as my life."

If it wasn't for the fact that I knew him and how rare it was for him to be this soppy, I'd have cracked a joke. Instead, I smiled.

"And, I never thought I'd be saying this about anyone. I wasn't cut out for relationships, not before I met you. And I didn't want to be either. I was happier on my own, or at least that was what I told myself." He shrugged. "I had James and Lily, even Remus."

I nodded. "I can understand that."

"But I love you." He stated it so firmly, so full of love that an excited flutter struck me all over. "Probably more than anyone. And I can't imagine life without you."

He took a deep breath and held out the jewellery box more firmly. I noticed his hands were shaking, just a little. I had a feeling it probably wasn't from the cold.

"So Annabelle Jane Clements, if you think you can manage to put up with me," he smiled like he was joking. I didn't think he was though, not really. He wasn't always as confident as he made out. "Then will you marry me?"

It took me a second to work out what he said, even with how I'd guessed his intention the minute I saw the ring. This was what he'd been planning these last few days.

I swallowed heavily and replied without thinking. I didn't need to. "Yes."

Because of course I'd say yes, despite all my teasing when he'd asked me the first time. I'd been too surprised then. It was all true about me not having given marriage much thought. But things had always been different with Sirius.

His answering smile was almost as glorious as the night sky. He carefully slid the ring from the box and took my left hand. Despite the cold, his skin was warm and his touch was tender as he slid the ring onto my finger. My breath caught as he bent to press a kiss against my skin. He really was amazing.

The ring shone, even with how suddenly dusky it had gotten.

It was beautiful, truly. The band was gold. Besides a square cherry pink stone sat a diamond on either side and two petal shapes.

We barely made it back to the house. We ran up the stairs, both of us giddy with happiness and stumbled into the nearest room. We fell against the bed, our lips colliding the same time as our bodies.

Afterwards, we laid back against the soft pillows, his arms around me and my head on his chest. He was so warm. He always was. My personal heater.

It felt like the most natural thing in the world, being with him like this. Like all our worries melted away. Except they didn't of course. But at least we could pretend, for a little longer.

I laughed as I noticed the bath by the side of the room.

"Of course we found this room. It's the best one in the house."

"What can I say? I have good taste." He teased. I could practically hear the grin in his voice, so I wasn't surprised to turn back to see him doing just that.

I laughed merrily. "Whatever. Show-off. You just couldn't wait. Practically dragged me to the nearest room."

He snorted. "Didn't hear you complaining all that much."

"Like I said, show-off."

He chuckled warmly in response. Then sighed. "This is nice, isn't it? Just me and you lying here, I mean. Kind of makes me wish we could bottle this moment, keep it. The calm before the storm so to speak."

"I know. I was just thinking the same thing." I confessed happily.

His arms seemed to slide further around me in response and I sighed as I felt his lips against my right brow.

[-]

We were both just as reluctant to leave the house. It would mean going back to reality and the very thought had me sighing heavily.

Sirius smiled knowingly as we finished packing up our things and stepped forwards to kiss me on the cheek. "We can always come back you know. Anytime we want."

I nodded. "I know."

Because he was right. Now that I knew my aunt and uncle hadn't in fact sold the house I grew up in, we had the opportunity to come back whenever we liked. At least there was that.

It still didn't make it any easier, walking out that front door. Sirius wrapped his arm around me and I gave the house one last glance over as we apparated.

I sighed as the hallway of headquarters came back into sight. With one last squeeze of my hand, Sirius took the bags and padded upstairs to unpack. I headed into the kitchen to flick the kettle on. Return to normal gradually.

Just as I had that thought however, there was a popping sound from the hallway. Seconds later, breathy groans.

I ran back into the hallway without a second thought, wand in hand.

"Oh my god!" I gasped, my wand slipping from my fingers at what I saw there. "Remus!"

I stumbled forwards as he raised his head. It looked as if it took most of his energy just doing that. His hands were gripped against the panels of the wall, as white as his face, which was practically slick with sweat. He seemed to smile in apology as he saw me but I ignored that and wrapped his arm arounds my neck.

"S-sorry, I-I didn't know w-where else to go—"

"Don't be silly, this is your home—oh!" I gasped as he suddenly went limp from underneath my hold and his eyes rolled back into head, glancing back towards the staircase. "Sirius!"

He was there instantly, clearly hearing the panic in my voice. He froze as he caught sight of Remus. Taking a deep breath, he paced towards our side. "Let's get him upstairs."

[-]


	15. Remus's POV- Finding My Way Back

**Sorry it's a little later than expected. I hope it's worth the wait! This chapter is in Remus's POV. I know it's been a while since we've heard from him and I thought it was about time that we got his point of view on everything that has been going on so far. I also thought it would be cool to see what life has been like or could have been like for him in camp. Let me know what you think and I shall update as soon as I can. :)**

* * *

They had found my journal underneath my sleeping bag two days ago. I think it was two days. There was no sense of time here. It would look suspicious if I wore a watch. Rogue werewolves didn't get nice things after all. They said the same thing when they found my journal. I had been sat with everyone else around the campfire when they started to read an extract aloud. As a number of eyes locked onto my face, I could feel myself grow pale.

" _I can't stop thinking about her, even when I know I shouldn't be. She deserves better. She always will. Maybe with time, she'll learn to move on. It's selfish, but despite everything I've said, I can't bear the thought."_

The one reading it was particularly loyal to Greyback. I'd heard him call him Ralph during one of my first nights. Ralph had been feral for years. He had long, black hair and crooked teeth. He wore a long overcoat and usually had his hand in his pocket, as though always on the verge of reaching for his wand. He had been expelled at fourteen for jinxing students as he walked to lessons. That was his favourite trick here.

I had managed to keep out of his way so far.

I tried to keep my face void of emotions as everyone turned to stare at me. I lowered my hands which were shaking, gripping the log that I was sat on. At least I hadn't been stupid enough to mention her name. They jumped on information like that.

One of the others who had joined the camp shortly after me had hidden a picture of a woman. The rest had teased him for days whilst trying to find out who she was. He had refused to say anything. It had resulted in him receiving more than just a black eye and he had been forced to watch as they threw the picture on the campfire.

"Who's the lover, Lupin?" Ralph sneered.

I feinted boredom and shrugged. "She's not my lover anymore."

"Then why are you still writing about her in your diary like some lovesick puppy?"

Perhaps he had a point. I had been here three months and I still couldn't get her out of my head. I was pathetic. And I had no right to keep holding on.

"You're supposed to be a werewolf, aren't you?" He said it like that was something to be proud of. When I'd spent all my life feeling the polar opposite.

"Most of it was written when I first arrived. Call it boredom."

"Boredom, huh?" He snorted as he came to stand in front of me. He was smiling slightly, though his eyes were cold. "Well, don't feel that you have to stay here. Thought you didn't have anybody back home anyway?"

"I don't." I said calmly. Panic would only make them more suspicious.

Any sort of panic would only make them suspicious. "It wasn't serious. We had a thing when I was in England. Then she found out what I was."

"I'm guessing she wasn't too thrilled."

 _If only you knew_ , I thought, avoiding his eyes for a moment. "You could say that."

"So what happened?" He asked. He was still watching me, looking for anything that would give me away.

"The usual. She panicked, shouted at me to leave her apartment. She didn't want to see me again after that."

If that had happened, things would have been easier. Completely unbearable, but I could live with the knowledge that she never wanted to see me again. If I died here then even better. But I was a selfish creature. And a part of me was glad that she didn't want to move on. She deserved so much better than me.

"That's too bad." He said in a tone that reeked of sarcasm. Then he closed my journal again. "In that case, you won't be needing this anymore, will you?"

Then he threw my journal on the fire.

My fingers dug into the splinters of the log. He was watching me, a glint of humour in his eyes. I pretended to smile at the fire. Inside, I was furious.

"Good riddance."

Then he laughed as if my words were the funniest thing in the world.

"Women are fickle creatures anyway." He sneered as he snatched a bottle of firewhiskey from one of the others sat by the fire and paced towards me. "Only good for one thing."

I shot him a look of surprise as he handed it to me. But I accepted it anyway. If he had spiked it, he wouldn't have been passing it around the fire. They needed all of us.

Every full moon, they made us transform near the houses closest to the woodland that we were camped in. I had managed to escape after everyone had already left the night of my first full moon. I found an old, abandoned barn and had just enough time to lock myself away with a few spells before I'd transformed. I hadn't been so lucky the last time. I was ashamed to say that I had woken covered in blood. I had no recollection of any of my transformation.

I barely slept that night. I felt alarmed to realize I couldn't remember what Dora looked like. I squeezed my eyes shut, trying to imagine the colour of her bright eyes, the shape of her face, the freckles on her skin, and her curved lips. When I first arrived, I wanted to draw her, to imprint her into my memory, but the risk of someone seeing it, and worst, recognizing her had stopped me. Now I had nothing to remember her by.

Underneath the moonless sky, I watched from the entrance of my tent as the men disappeared into the dusky forest. They were looking for houses again. The full moon was next week.

I shivered. It was the middle of December. I was lucky enough to have my own sleeping bag. Not everyone did. I was wearing a long sleeved t-shirt, thick jumper, trousers and long socks and I was still cold. I hadn't grown used to living outside yet.

A woman with olive skin started to head over from the campfire. She was wearing a bright jumper and grey jeans. She had been one of the people I'd first noticed when I'd arrived. Her hair was a flurry of bright colours, shaped to the wave of her hair. She reminded me of Dora.

She kept a safe distance from everyone, always perched by the side of the campfire, like me. But not tonight. Instead, she was stood awkwardly by my tent.

"I'm sorry. About what happened the other night."

I glanced around camp. Nobody seemed to be taking any notice. Most were staring into space. Still, I had to be careful. Greyback was starting to suspect there was a spy in camp. The night Ralph had taken my journal, he'd watched me for most of the night. I'd been careful ever since. I even stooped to framing someone else. It was a young man who had joined a week ago. He had been reading a letter when the rest had been out of camp. I had grabbed it when he had left his tent to go for a walk and moved it so Greyback could see it when he came back. He had dragged him from camp. He hadn't been back since.

I really was despicable.

I nodded anyway. "He did me a favour."

She nodded, but didn't look too convinced. "Must be hard though. Having someone you love think you're a monster."

"It was just a fling." I insisted. "It's nothing I'm not used to anyway."

She gave an apologetic smile. "Yeah, same. Doesn't get any easier."

She stood for another moment, looking as if she wanted to say something else. Then she nodded at my tent. "Do you mind if I join you?"

I shook my head. Nobody was paying attention anyway.

She sat opposite me at the edge of my tent. She fiddled with her hands. She seemed nervous. "How long have you been…well, you know."

"A werewolf?" I said for her. It was easier to say it around those that were the same. "Since I was five. You?"

She smiled sympathetically again. "That's tough. I was ten when I was turned."

There was teeth marks on her right wrist. I hadn't got close enough to notice before.

"Do you know who did it?"

I took a long moment to look at her before I shook my head. She seemed like she was just curious, but I couldn't afford to be honest here. Greyback was our alpha.

"Me neither." She sighed heavily. "There was just me and Mum when I was attacked. Mum, she…" She paused, her eyes finding the sky. There were no stars. No moon. Just darkness. "Anyway, I lived with my Grandparents for a while. They died when I was sixteen. I mainly lived on the streets after that."

I nodded. I wondered idly if Greyback had been to blame for that too. Just like me. Just like Annabelle's parents.

"You don't anymore?"

"I was found by Ralph. I wasn't sure about him at first." She said quietly. "But it's not so bad here, is it? We're with people who understand us. I didn't think I'd ever find that again. Not after my Grandparents deaths."

I forced a nod.

"I'm Layla, by the way."

"Romulus."

She snorted, her gaze falling from the sky. "As in Remus and Romulus, the twin brothers from Roman mythology?"

"That's the one."

"Well that's ironic."

I nodded in agreement. My whole life felt pretty ironic if I was being honest.

We sat together most nights after that. Greyback and Ralph didn't seem to like it. He preffered the group to be together by the campfire. I wasn't sure why. Then a few days before the full moon, Ralph said something before dinner.

"Do you two lovebirds need some privacy or something?" He called out from besides the campfire. "Don't let us get in the way, will you?"

Greyback grinned from besides him. "Are we not good enough company?"

I stood automatically. "'Course not. We were just talking about the full moon."

"Oh really?" Greyback said, curiosity in his eyes. "Do tell."

It wasn't technically a lie. We had been talking about how both of us weren't looking forward to it. But we couldn't exactly say that.

"I was just talking about the house at the edge of the woods. I found it on my way back from the last full moon."

I ignored Layla's gaze as she followed me over to the campfire and sat beside me.

"Perhaps you should show us it. In exactly forty-eight hours."

I could tell that Greyback wasn't joking. It disgusted me. But I didn't have a choice. I had to play along.

"Okay."

Ralph's gaze was on Layla. He hadn't stopped looking at her since we had moved to sit at the campfire. "Why don't you keep me company, sweetheart?"

She didn't say anything, but I heard her stand. Her smile fell as she sat next to him. He passed her a bottle of firewhiskey and she slowly raised it to her lips, winching at the taste.

By the end of the night, most people had turned in. I watched by the edge of my tent as Ralph bent to whisper something in Layla's ear. He took her hand, all but dragging her across to his tent.

I turned away, ignoring the feeling of disgust and guilt. Even if I wanted to help, I couldn't.

My next transformation was spent with Greyback and Ralph at the house I had reluctantly mentioned. Greyback had sneered when I'd tried to walk away and said; "You got somewhere better to be?"

I shook my head. I woke to the sound of them bragging about killing the family inside. They discarded their bodies like rubbish. I was covered in blood again. I stumbled away when they were bragging about their kills and threw up the minute they were out of sight.

I couldn't remember any of my transformation again.

When I got back, Ralph started to ask questions. Things like what I did before this, where I would stay and how I got kicked out of Hogwarts. I answered everyone the same way I had when I arrived. That I was a library assistant for a while, that I'd stay in a bedsit in London, and I was kicked out when they realised what I was. He nodded and dropped the conversation.

Then Greyback started to ask questions. Time was running out. They must have suspected me. That night Greyback figured it out.

Most was already in bed. Greyback was by the campfire, Raplh at his side. I left my tent to take my usual walk before bed and I tensed when I saw Layla sat on Ralph's lap. She looked more than a little uncomfortable, but one of his hands was gripped against her shoulder, the other against her waist.

Greyback smiled when he saw me. It didn't look genuine but I did as he asked and sat opposite him. My transformation the day before was worse than it had been in a while. I couldn't afford to fight if it came to it. I needed to save my strength.

"Want some?" Greyback asked, holding out a bottle of firewhiskey.

I shook my head. Their questions had me worried. I wanted a permanently clear head from now on.

He shrugged, taking a large sip himself. He was still staring at me when he settled it down. "I've been doing some thinking."

"Oh?"

"Your last name's Lupin, right?"

"That's right." I said carefully.

He nodded, a glint of something dark in his eyes. "Thought so. That's what got me thinking. There used to be a guy called Lupin who worked at the Ministry. Can't say I remember his first name."

I nodded, but my hands gripped against the wood of the log I was sat on. He was talking about my father.

"Memories can get a little…blurred after a while. Particularly when it comes to those I've met on a full moon. I'm sure you can understand."

I pretended to smile back despite the panic rising within me. He had to know who I was. He was just toying with me.

"But I clearly remember Lupin having a little boy." He said certainly. "I know that because he had the pleasure of meeting me on a full moon."

I nodded, my eyes falling from his face. He looked positively delighted.

"His father was too old. I prefer children, you see. Their blood always tastes…well, just that much sweeter."

I swallowed heavily at his words, resisting the urge to winch. He was disgusting.

"Wouldn't you agree, Ralph?"

I glanced up to see him smirking as he glanced towards Layla. She forced a nervous smile as his eyes dropped to the teeth marks on her right wrist. "Oh absolutely."

Layla dropped her eyes quickly. But the way he was looking at her…maybe I had been wrong to assume that Greyback had been the one to turn Layla.

"I reckon he must have been around five or so. I don't stick around long enough to find out their age." Greyback said with a shrug. He was practically grinning again. "You were fifteen when you were turned, right Lupin?"

I nodded, clearing my throat. It felt as heavy as the rest of me did. "That's right."

"Then you was thrown out of Hogwarts."

"Yes."

Greyback's smile slipped from his face, just for a second. "See, that's weird." Then he glanced towards Ralph. "Because Layla here was telling me you were actually turned when you were five. Quite the coincidence, don't you think?"

Greyback was no longer smiling.

I practically jumped up, my hand grabbing for my wand from my back pocket. Ralph was quicker. He had it raised before me, and a flicker of light flew from the end of it. I landed on my back.

I bit back a groan of pain as Greyback stepped over to my side. He was smiling again. "I knew it."

This was it. They had realized who I was. And now, I would die.

We fought for ages. To the point that I was sure I would have welcomed death. Greyback was stronger than me. He had lived on a feral diet for much longer than I had.

But I was quicker. I'd managed to reach for my wand, knocking Greyback off of his feet. In the time that it took for him to rise again and for Ralph to stand to help him, I had managed to disapparate.

I ended up in the one place I could think of, barely able to stand. I clung to the wall as I heard a gasp.

It was Annabelle. She lurched forwards to help, raising one of my arms to her shoulders. I stumbled out an apology. She shook her head quickly.

"Don't be silly, this is your home—oh!"

My legs fell from beneath me and everything suddenly went black. My last thought was of Dora. Of never getting to see her again.


End file.
